I often tell brides and grooms, “Your words of your vows are like music that will resonate throughout your married life.” Your vows can reflect what is in your heart, mind and soul. There are all sorts of vows, the traditional, the unconventional, the romantic, the elegant, the short and sweet, the “get out our hanky” vows, the civil, the religious and vows that are appropriate for second marriages with children. There is no right and wrong in what you choose.
The best vows reflect who you are. Are you a traditional couple? A religious couple? A light hearted couple? A romantic couple? A no nonsense couple? Your vows can reflect this.
Most couples choose from a selection of vows that are presented to them by their Officiant. Traditional religious ceremonies may offer the couple few choices, requiring specific vows. Many clergy members and civil Officiant are more lenient and will let the couple choose or write their own vows.
Below are selections of sample wedding vows taken directly from my book, Joining Hands and Hearts - Intercultural Wedding Celebrations: A Practical Guide for Couples.
Selection 1 (simple and elegant)
I, _____, take you, _____, to be my beloved wife/husband, to have and to hold you, to honor you, to treasure you, to be at your side in sorrow and in joy, to laugh with you in the good times, to comfort and solace you in the bad, and to love and cherish you always.
I promise you this from my heart, with my soul, for all the days of my life, eternal.
Selection 2 (adapted from WEDDINGS FROM THE HEART, Daphne Rose Kingma)
I, _____, take you, _____, to be my beloved wife/husband, to have you and hold you, to honor you, to treasure you, to be at your side in sorrow and in joy, to grow with you and to be transformed, to love and cherish you always.
I promise you this from my heart, with my soul, for all the days of my life, and, if God wills, beyond the walls of life, beyond the bounds of time.
Selection 3 (the most traditional)
I, _____, take you, _____, to be my lawful wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part. This is my solemn vow.
Selection 4
I, _____, take you, _____, to be my husband/wife, and these things I promise you:
I will be faithful to you and honest with you. I will respect, trust, help and care for you. I will share my life with you. I will try with you to better understand ourselves, the world, and God, through the best and the worst of what is to come, as long as we live.
Selection 5 (standard civil ceremony vows)
_____, I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband/wife. Before these witnesses I vow to love you and care for you as long as we both shall live. I take you, with all your faults and your strengths, as I offer myself to you with my faults and my strengths. I will help you when you need help, and will turn to you when I need help. I choose you as the person with whom I will spend my life.
Selection 6 (a Quaker vow)
In the presence of God and these our family and friends, I take thee to be my husband/wife, promising with Divine assistance to be a loving and faithful husband/wife as long as we both shall live.
Selection 7
I, _____, take you to be my husband/wife, to laugh with you in joy, to grieve with you in sorrow, to grow with you in love, serving mankind in peace and hope, as long as we both shall live.
Selection 8 (a variation of the traditional) (Many of my couples choose a vow to be asked by the officiant after they have stated a more personal vow, such as the ones you will find below.)
Officiant: Do you, _____, take this man/woman, _____, to be your lawful wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold him/her, to love and to cherish him/her, to be true to him/her, through times of sorrow as well as joy? Do you promise this heart, mind, body and soul? Do you commit before God to honor this vow all the days of your life?
Bride/groom: I do.
Officiant: Will you have this woman/man to be your wedded wife/husband, to live together in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love her/him, comfort her/him, honor and keep her/him, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?
Bride/groom: I do.
Officiant: Do you, _____, take this man/woman to be your lawful wedded husband/wife? Do you promise to be patient, kind, giving, understanding and loving in the face of life unexpected twists and turns, in the face of strife and hardship, as well as in the gleeful resolve you find in each other? Do you promise this heart, body and soul? Do you commit to one another before God to honor this vow all the days of your life? [Written by Dana Bradley Junior]
Bride/groom: I do.
Selection 9 (very brief vows!)
I, _____, take you, _____, to be my wedded wife/husband. With deepest joy I receive you into my life that together we may be one.
Selection 10 (even briefer vows!)
_____, I take you this day and for all days as my husband/wife.
Selection 11 (vows for the very romantic man and woman; adapted from WEDDING VOWS by Michael Macfarlane)
I do swear and promise, as I take this lady/man by the hand, that I shall love and cherish her/him, that I will be faithful to her/him and to no other for all the days of my life. I have for the first time found what I can truly love have found you. You are my sympathy, my better self, my good angel. I am bound to you. I think you good, gifted and lovely. A fervent, solemn passion is conceived in my heart; it leans to you, draws you to my center and spring of life, and wraps my existence about you. This pure and powerful flame fuses you and me as one.
Selection 12 (vows for couples who have seen much of life, and for marriages involving children; from WEDDING VOWS by Diane Warner)
______, as we become one on this, our wedding day, we become part of each other. Your feelings become my feelings, your sorrows become my sorrows, your joys become my joys, your worries become my worries. I promise to be a true and faithful husband/wife, always there to comfort you and rejoice with you and endure all the complexities of life that we will face together [as a family] in the years to come. My love for you is pure and unshakable and I hereby commit myself to you from this day forth and forevermore.
Ring Vows
After you have spoken personal vows and your celebrant has blessed the rings, you will exchange rings as you speak a ring vow.
Selection 1 (very simple)
With this ring, I thee wed.
Selection 2
With this ring, I give you all that I have and all that I am.
Selection 3
_____, with a free and unconstrained soul, I give you all I am and all I am to become. Take this ring, and with it my promise, patience, and love, for the rest of my life.
Selection 4
(The following vows, from ILLUMINATA by Marianne Williamson, are so compelling that I would estimate about two out of every five of my couples have chosen to use them in the complete or in an edited form. A good sequence would be: first, the bride and groom exchange rings; second, each, in turn, speaks these deeply touching vows; finally, the celebrant asks one of the questions listed above, to which the bride and groom respond with the immortal, do. Get out your hankies!)
With this ring, I give you my promise that from this day forward you shall not walk alone.
May my heart be your shelter and my arms be your home.
May God bless you always.
May we walk together through all things.
May you feel deeply loved, for indeed you are.
May you always see your innocence in my eyes.
With this ring, I give you my heart. I have no greater gift to give.
I promise I shall do my best.
I shall always try.
I feel so honored to call you my husband/wife.
I feel so blessed to call you mine.
May we feel this joy forever.
I thank God.
I thank you.
Amen.
When I asked one of my brides how she loved her groom, she answered, he is my love, my best friend, my life. For their wedding, I suggested that their ring vow be: With this ring, I give you my love, my friendship, my life. Since then, other couples have used this same ring vow!
Still other brides and grooms elect to read a personal statement of love to one another before their celebrant poses what I lightheartedly refer to as the “I do” vow.
Both of the following vows were so eloquent that I asked these couples’ permission to feature their words in my book along with their personal love stories.
Here is a statement, in the form of a poem, recited by Dave to his Christine before their “I do” vows.
Yes, respect always
shall be yours to name your own
Smiles too in your heart
Yes, never changing
my love for you,
I shall not forget.
I adore you, Christine.
Hope and everlasting love
two shoes on the stairs.
Elizabeth asked her Sven to write their vows. So, he studiously went through books and jotted down all the words that appealed to him. Then according to Elizabeth, in a flash of inspiration he wrote the following within minutes. This was Sven’s second marriage.
I, Sven, take you, Elizabeth,
to be my wife,
to love and to cherish,
to hold ever foremost in my thoughts,
my plans,
my dreams.
To support and defend with heart and soul,
with loyalty and faithfulness,
that we may together form
a common place for ourselves
where we will comfort, support and nurture
each other and those we love,
so that we may be united
one with the other
even when apart.
Because in our love will we
preserve our intention
to return always to our commonplace,
the one single place
where we are when we are together.
Remember that love makes even the most reticent tongue turn to verse!
More than a few of my couples have incorporated famous verse into their vows, verse they felt captured how they felt. These include snippets of lyricism from the likes of Browning, Shakespeare and lesser known poets. You can be as creative as you like, especially in second weddings where so many couples want to make it new and different from their first wedding.
Leah and Zach included these words by the indelible Pablo Neruda within their vows:
I want what I love to continue to live
And you whom I love and sang above everything else
To continue to flourish, full-flowered.
Whether you write your vows, or create them by cutting and pasting portions of prewritten vows found in books, be sure they hold meaning for you. Let them hold your heart. Let them live in your heart.
Planning the Wedding Rose Ceremony
The Rose Ceremony is a universal ritual that can be adapted into any wedding ceremony. What is wonderful about The Rose Ceremony is that is more than ritual as it establishes a life long tradition of loving outreach and communication between husband and wife.
Simply place two single long stem roses upon your ceremonial table. The color may be of your choosing though red and white are popular. After you have exchanged vows, ask your officiant to speak the words below after which he or she will hand you the roses for you to give to one another. The following words were written by me. However, you may adapt them as you wish.
Today, as you have exchanged the most loving and powerful words two people can say to one another, we ask that you begin a tradition of giving one another the gift of a single rose. This rose may be given in person or placed in a special spot for your spouse to find. Let this rose symbolize many things for many occasions over the years to come--- always a symbol of outreach. Give your partner a rose when you simply wish to say, “I love you” for no particular reason other than to let your partner know just how much you cherish them. Give your partner a rose when you need to say “I am sorry” “Let’s talk” when the saying the saying of the actual words may be difficult. Give your partner a rose when you wish to communicate, “I forgive you” or “I’m there for you” or “Thank you”.
Let this rose be a reminder that love has joined you together, that it is love that makes marriage endure, and it is this love that you cherish more than anything in all the world. For love that is nurtured never dies. It blossoms into something glorious to behold---as beautiful as a rose.”
Or, if you wish, you may write or choose words that better express what is in your hearts. For example, one of my couples had a friend read from Antoine Saint- Exupery’s book The Little Prince where he speaks of the specialness of his rose. This included the following words: "Goodbye," said the fox, "and now here is my secret, a very simple secret: it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye ... It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important ...You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose."
Planning The Wedding Sand Ceremony
The wedding sand ceremony, or unity sand ceremony is a terrific idea if you're planning a beach wedding since lighting a unity candle outdoors can sometimes be tricky. (It can be done, though, using a hurricane lamp). The sand ceremony can be fun if you're having a child or children participating in the wedding. What kid doesn't like to play in the sand, right? Pouring sand from one vase to another can make the ceremony interesting and tons of kid friendly fun! Information about planning the wedding sand ceremony including wedding sand ceremony history, origin, vows, readings and instructions can be read at our sister site, I do Take Two. You can purchase the kits or sets below.
Contemporary Wedding Sand Ceremony Kit
Classic Wedding Sand Ceremony Kit
