{"id":12099,"date":"2017-11-14T07:30:51","date_gmt":"2017-11-14T07:30:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.topweddingquestions.com\/blog\/?p=12099"},"modified":"2017-11-14T07:30:51","modified_gmt":"2017-11-14T07:30:51","slug":"what-to-say-to-people-not-invited-to-your-wedding","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.topweddingsites.com\/wedding-blog\/wedding-etiquette-questions\/what-to-say-to-people-not-invited-to-your-wedding","title":{"rendered":"What to Say to People Not Invited to Your Wedding"},"content":{"rendered":"

Readers Ask: How can I \u201csoften the blow\u201d for people I do not invite to the wedding?<\/h2>\n

Our Answer<\/h2>\n

Whatever the situation is, whether it\u2019s a friend you\u2019ve lost touch with or a distant family member that lives across the country and you haven\u2019t seen them since you were five, there\u2019s a simple, easy rule to follow when it comes to \u201csoftening the blow.\u201d<\/p>\n

When faced with explaining to someone as to why they weren\u2019t invited to your wedding, just say,<\/p>\n

\u201cWe wish space and budget was unlimited so we could celebrate with everyone! But it\u2019s tighter than we anticipated and we had to plan a smaller wedding than we originally had in mind.\u201d <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

There\u2019s no guarantee that you\u2019ll be faced with a situation where you have to justify your guest list, but this will work for anyone. Old teachers, coworkers, or neighbors that may feel close to you but you don\u2019t share the same sentiment, explaining to them about space and budget leaves no room for error. Instead of creating lavish stories or excuses, going with a simple truth is a lot easier than pouring too many details into the explanation. It\u2019ll spare feelings too.<\/p>\n

Other Expert Answers<\/h2>\n

\u201cFamily can be particularly troublesome. Do second cousins count as must-invites? How about great aunts whose first names you can\u2019t remember? In line with the previous points, the best route here is to have a consistent plan. If you love your second cousin, be prepared to invite his or her brothers and sisters as well. It\u2019s only fair, even if you don\u2019t particularly love them so much.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, if you\u2019re not close with any of your great aunts or uncles, or their offspring, don\u2019t feel bad if they don\u2019t make the list.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re still worried about it, keep in mind that you can likely soften the blow of the possibly-perceived snub, by inviting them to a simple family gathering after-the-fact, during which they can meet and\/or congratulate you and your then spouse. A low-key post-reception reception is a great way to help others feel included, without cramping your style, or standing between you and the intimate wedding you\u2019ve envisioned. This is particularly helpful if you\u2019ll be hosting a destination wedding, which many people may not be able to attend.\u201d – Texas Old Town<\/i><\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cBlame the budget<\/b><\/p>\n

Explain to your guests that you\u2019d love to have invited them to your big day but simply cannot afford to do so. It\u2019s a little bit awkward but, if you feel really bad about it and if you\u2019re holding the ceremony at another location, you could ask them to join you for the ceremony. Of course, don\u2019t be surprised if they politely decline.<\/p>\n

Say you\u2019re keeping things as intimate as possible<\/b><\/p>\n

Big weddings are fine (and can be lots of fun) but having hundreds of guests, or even dozens, at your wedding is not everyone\u2019s cup of tea. Some couples genuinely want to keep things as small and intimate as possible, even those who can afford to invite everyone they know and love. Weddings are incredibly intimate events that expose you and your partner, your feelings, your emotions and your family and, frankly, it\u2019s not something everyone wants to share with people who aren\u2019t in their very inner circle.<\/p>\n

Our venue<\/b><\/a> isn\u2019t big enough<\/b><\/p>\n

Most venues simply cannot cater for the amount of people we\u2019d like<\/i>to invite and, if your venue is small enough, it could legitimately be reason enough for having to keep your guest list quite tight. If that reason needs a little padding out, you could extend it by saying that though you\u2019d love to invite more people, not only is the space limited, but your side of the list is already full.<\/p>\n

Tell them the real reason they\u2019re not invited<\/b><\/p>\n

Though your aim is avoid hurting anyone when not inviting them, the fact is that some behaviour or incidents are bad or painful enough that you simply do not want a person at your wedding. In that case, tell but as gently as you see fit in the situation.<\/p>\n

If it\u2019s something that was so painful to you that you don\u2019t want them there, chances are they already know about it and won\u2019t be surprised at not being invited. If, however, they don\u2019t know about your feelings towards them, well, the silver lining may be that you\u2019ll have the opportunity to put your case forward and, maybe, even clear up something that wasn\u2019t quite what you thought it was.<\/p>\n

Whatever method you choose , try not to tell your friend\/family member via a text or email or social media \u2013 and don\u2019t let them find out from someone else either, if you can manage it.<\/p>\n

Simply grit your teeth, put on your bravest face and tell them on the phone or face to face.<\/p>\n

Explain to them how very much they mean to you and the reason you can\u2019t invite them. After all, most people understand, especially if it\u2019s a financial decision.<\/p>\n

The fact is, if we all had unlimited budgets, we\u2019d invite everyone we know and love, but the harsh reality is that most of us simply cannot.\u201d – Easy Weddings<\/i><\/a><\/p>\n

Other Helpful Resources<\/h2>\n