Advice? Shower invitation wording


My brother is having a destination wedding, with very few people on the guest list.

I realize it’s not typically done, but my mother wants to throw a bridal shower (a small one) and invite some people who are not on the wedding guest list. Does anyone know of special wording we can include on the bridal shower invitation that will express our humble request at the shower, even tho we are not able to invite them to the wedding?

The wedding is in Disney World, and I can only assume people would be relieved they don’t have to try to make such a trip for a wedding!

The invites have to go out soon…help!

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites

Since it’s not polite to invite guests to a shower who are not invited to the wedding we cannot offer appropriate wording for your shower invitations. This may be why you’re having trouble wording them.

We have many other posts on why it isn’t polite to invite guests to a shower when they’re not invited t the wedding. Please read them to help you understand the guest’s perspective.

Have a great trip to Disney. Sounds like a fun destination wedding location.


I respectfully disagree and believe that every situation is not exactly the same.

We’ve had family members ask about being invited to a shower because they could not afford the trip to disney (mostly because they could not bring their children to Disney World and say “Sorry, no parks! We’re only here for the wedding!”)

Personally, I think every bride, groom, and family are different. I understand if you do not post this, I just think it needed to be said.

Thank you,
S. Lincoln

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites,

We’re giving advice based on what’s most globally accepted as polite. You’re welcome to your opinion, but we just cannot assist you with wording an invitation to an event that doesn’t follow what’s generally accepted. Feel welcome to read the resons why in some of our past posts.

Erin Sharplin Love, Panache by Erin

I agree with our forum moderator. It is impolite to invite people to a shower who are not invited to the wedding. If those who were not invited to the wedding would still like to send a gift, etc. it is their perogative, but you should not send out invitations.

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

It is impolite and inconsiderate to invite guests to any pre-wedding party but not invite them to the wedding. It is as if saying that these people are not good enough to share the couple’s special day, but are good enough to give them a gift–very impolite. It doesn’t matter who the couple is or what their special circumstances are. It is still impolite to guests. They are people too.

Plus, family members don’t host showers for each other–especially mothers. So, she shouldn’t host one anyway.

I completely agree that if these people are interested in giving the couple a gift, they may give them a wedding gift even if not attending. There doesn’t need to be a shower to ensure the couple receives a gift from each of these people. However, the couple shouldn’t expect a gift from anyone not attending the wedding.