Flower Girl won’t wear a dress

My neice, Helen (6) and insists she will NOT wear a dress -even for my wedding. Her sister, Audrey (4) is also going to be a flower girl and is so excited about wearing a pretty dress. I’ve convinced Helen to participate but she has to wear pants. Question- is this ok? If so, where do I find pants for a girl for a wedding?

Irina Feygin,
IMpeccable iMage, Inc. Image and Beauty and For Princess Bride

It’s a tough and a highly unusual situation. Chances are, you wont’ find a pant suit suitable for a flower girl: simply put, they are not being made. However, you can try and rent for her a white ring bearer’s tuxedo at a men’s store. That will be very unusual, but it’s a pant suit, which meets her requirements. However, I would try to persuade the little girl – show her some bridal magazines, show her how it’s done, and tell her if she wants to be in your bridal party, she has to wear dress which is a “required uniform” for a flower girl – just like it’s shown in magazines. If she makes a conscious decision NOT to be in your bridal party, maybe you better not force her – you don’t know what other surprises can await for you the day of your wedding. Good luck, and enjoy your wedding!

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites

I was also going to suggest that this little girl be given the choice to be included or not. Have her mother explain the dress tradition and then allow the child to make her choice. 6 year olds can be unpredictable, but not too young to make a decision with her parent. Perhaps if she sees her sister in the dress she will change her mind.

If she decides she will wear the dress, be sure to include her in the choice of style. Pre-select three of 4 approved styles and allow her to choose from those few styles.


You have been helpful… what about this. My nephew (her brother) is the ringbearer. He is 3. What if she is the “Ringbearer Escort”. We can make her pants out of the same fabric as my bridesmaids. My other neice will be the star flowergirl. What about that?


What if we made long, flowy pants from the same fabric as the bridesmaids dresses. Would that work?

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites

All of these suggestions might appear odd to your guests and may embarrass this child. I’d try to stick with the traditional attire and roles since the twp girls may compare their participation. But there’s no rule that says a flower girl must wear a dress, it’s just a tradition. Ultimately what the child wears is totally up to the bride and the child’s parents.

Irina Feygin

I totally agree with the Moderator. You don’t want your guests to be shocked. Try to talk reason to the girl. If she doesn’t want to be included in the wedding, don’t force her! Good luck!

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Great advice! I couldn’t have said any of it better myself.