Sending wedding invitations after the rsvp date passed Sending invitations to friends of parents

MY husband and I are in disagreement on this issue….Our daughter and her finance’ wanted to stay within 200 people for their wedding. After making several “cuts” of some of our friends that we really wanted to invite to make room for my husbands “not-so-close” family members we got the invitation list down to 250 (Some of these 250 where out-of-the-country relatives on the grooms side that we really didn’t count on attending – but were crossing our fingers might).
Now the RSVP date is over and his “not-so-close” relatives are not attending and the bride and groom haven’t even met their minimum of 175 that the hall is going to charge them for.
My husband wants me to send invitations to our friends that we “cut” from the list or he said he would call them and invite them now to the wedding. I just think it’s wrong in so many ways…..
Please advise what is correct….or how to handle this.
Soooo upset 🙁

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Dear Amgrump,

It is insulting to potential guests to receive a wedding invitation less than 6 weeks before the wedding. It is like telling them that they are an after-thought, that the couple just needs them to fill a vacancy. This is why it is a major no-no to do so. However, if your husband is very close to these people and feels that they will understand about the need to have invited family first and that he really wanted them to attend in the first place, then it might be all right. But, that is a huge “if”. It really is impolite.

All of this said, the couple should want these guests at their wedding.

Good luck with this! If it were me, I wouldn’t even go there. 🙂

Best wishes,


Thank you. I was almost sick to my stomach thinking that my husband would do ask friends after the fact. I agree with you, if it were me receiving an invitation “after-the-fact” I would be insulted. Thanks again for your response.

Jodi R R Smith, The Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting

Actually, 6 – 8 weeks prior is common for wedding invitations. Mature adults are well aware of time, money and space constraints when planning formal affairs as well as the use of B-lists. Please do not hesitate to send invitations to the additional not give it a second thought. Send the invitations out now and enjoy being surrounded by friends and family at your daughter’s wedding.

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites, Inc

I don’t think we were told how many weeks are left until the wedding.
However, I know I wouldn’t like receiving that invitation at the last minute. Who likes being second best or an afterthought?