Asking a Woman’s Father For Her Hand In Marriage

I have been planning on asking my girlfriend to marry me for sometime now. The whole night is planned and I am ready to go. The issue I am having is that every time I try to sit down with my girlfriend’s father to ask for his blessing and to discuss things and any questions or issues he has, he seem to be unavailable. I have tried to get to sit with him 7 times over the last few weeks and he never has time.

Talking to him on the phone is like talking to a brick wall. He is very hard to read and extremely hard to talk to on a normal basis just because of the type of the man he is. I am extremely frustrated. My plans are set to pop the question this Saturday night. I have already postponed this 2 other times. Do I go thru with my plans and explain the circumstances later or do I put my feelings and hard work and plans on hold again because he is too busy? I really need some advice here. I’m running out of time! 

Wedding Queen

Getting ready to propose is exciting – congrats!

It’s very sweet of you to want to ask the dad for his permission to marry. But I always ask – what will you do if he says no? That being said, and not to add to your anxiety, I’d suggest speaking to him and letting him know about your intentions and plans. This way there is no question to ask, and no answer to be given. Maybe at the end you could say something like, it would mean so much to have his blessing.

Who knows why the dad can’t seem to sit still for a talk, but maybe you can just show up at his home at a time when you know he is there and just ay it on him. If not, then try writing a letter, letting dad know how much you love his daughter and your intentions. Mail or hand deliver. probably not the best option, but an option if you just can’t see him. of course, you don’t need his blessing so you can choose not to speak to him at all and then visit him as a couple, announcing your plans.

I hope this helps relieve some of your stress surrounding the proposal. Good luck – and let me know how it works out.

Etiquette Guy

Asking this question is never easy for any of us. However, in your situation, you are not communicating to him the seriousness of the meeting you request. Call him and tell him you have an urgent matter to discuss concerning his daughter and you wish to know when he will be available at his earliest convenience. If he remains aloof, forge ahead with your plans without him. This is your deal now. Step up to the plate in your big boy shoes! Good luck and may the force be with you!

Reader Response

I have thought about the what if he says NO thing……and my feelings are I wanna be with this girl forever! So in my eyes, it doesnt matter to me what he says, it was a formality out of respect so to speak. In general conversation my girlfriend asked me the same exact question and my reply was basically the same and she didnt seem to have a problem with it. Sooooo……

Guy – I have expressed the topic and seriousness all with out coming outright and asking it over the phone and via text. lol. I think im just gonna man up and deal with all the other stuff later. I dont know how to get thru to him, seems like he is totally avoiding this talk for whatever reason.

Wedding Queen

Maybe he’s getting nervous about the thought that his daughter may be getting married? Maybe he thinks he will have to pay for the wedding? Who knows?

I still would not ask – I’d announce. By asking you’re letting him know that he can have a say in this matter. If you feel as though you must ask something, just ask for his blessing.

Popping The Question To Her Dad

I know it is old school, but I want to ask my girlfriend’s father for permission to marry her. I know this involves more than a quick “…by the way, can I marry your daughter” conversation, but I am not sure how much more I should say and how best to do it. I’m also really nervous, he can be intimidating. 

Wedding Queen

We get this question a lot so to help you overcome your fear, are three  tips when you’re popping the question to her father.

• Assess the situation: Before popping the question to him, make sure that you and your girlfriend are on the same page. Does she really want to marry you? Asking for permission only to have your proposal turned down is just an awkward day for everyone.
• Be prepared: Arrange a time to meet her father alone, you can’t do this during dinner with the family. Depending on your relationship with him, you may want to invite him out for dinner or during an outing of fishing. If you are not as close, a face-to-face talk at his home is a good choice.
• Plan what you’re going to say: Before you meet go over what you plan on saying. Complimenting his daughter is always good. When popping the question to her father, steer clear of praising his daughter’s physical attributes and stick to how smart, kind and loving she is.

• Talk toher first. Before you go and sit down and talk man-to-man with your potential father-in-law, make sure you and your girlfriend are on the same page as far as the whole marriage thing goes.
• Sit down with him. There are several ways you can go about this, and I think it all depends on what kind of man your girlfriend’s father is. Consider taking him out to dinner or going to a bar or coffee shop. Breaking bread with him might make the situation a bit more comfortable. If that’s not a possibility, during a visit just ask if you can speak to him in private.
• Start out expressing your feelings. I think the best way to start off the conversation is to express to the father your love and admiration for his daughter. Tell him how much she means to you.
• Explain your wish to marry her. Now it’s time to cut to the chase. Explain your wish to marry his daughter. Assure him that you understand the seriousness of the commitment and that being able to spend the rest of your life with his daughter would make you the happiest man in the world.
• Promise him that you’ll take care of his daughter. Put yourself in this man’s shoes. He’s been the man in her life since she was baby. He’s taken care of her since she was in diapers and only wants the best for her. He wants to know that he’s handing off his little girl to someone that will take just as good care of her as he has. Make the commitment that you’ll always honor, respect, and cherish his daughter.
• Respectfully ask for his blessing. Now, just request his blessing and support in you asking for his daughter’s hand in marriage.