My fiance and I have been together for over 6 years and don’t need anything for our home. I asked my sister what she thought we should register for, if anything, and she suggested the honeymoon registry. I thought it was a great idea, but then I’ve been reading some of your posts about how some guests find these distasteful. We wouldn’t be expecting anyone to spend any more money than they would on a gift, but just to put that money toward a vacation we could really use instead (fiance and I have only been on 1 vacation since we’ve been together). Why do some people think these are inappropriate?
Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca
From the eyes and emails of others this is what I have found: many find these distasteful because it is like asking for cash and presuming that others want to do so just because you are marrying. It may seem presumptuous that guests would want to pay for non-traditional elements, like a honeymoon, which is why we always state that it is best to include a traditional registry as well. All of this appears to be especially true for couples who have been together for some time, which is very common for people today.
More do live together for years before getting married, so it is not a negative. But, when couples decide that they want to legalize their relationship, it seems to many, from what they relay to me, that the event doesn’t seem to carry the weight of the first time, youngish wedding couple who may need items for their home to begin their lives together. It just seems that many feel that it is similar to a vow renewal, except that the couple is legalizing the relationship and not simply restating wedding vows. I realize this is not the case, but it is all about perceptions. After all, you two (as so many others) have been together for many years and already have your house settled. It is as if you are married, but without the legal status.
It is your decision to do as you wish. Registering is not a faux pas and perhaps your guests may want to contribute. But, there is always the chance many may not give any type of gift when they find out about the honeymoon registry, because it can be such a ‘turn-off’. I hear from countless couples upset about this very thing.
Interesting. I have looked at some honeymoon registry websites and the way they are set up makes it look like people are trying to say, “Hey, pay for me to go shopping”, or “Why don’t you get me a $150 bottle of champagne?”. I see now why they can seem in poor taste to some. Thank you for your response
Donna, Wedding Queen, President
Right, they can be in poor taste if done in that manner. But, a standard honeymoon registry is just an account where a guest can purchase a portion of the honeymoon for the couple. The bride/groom don’t get the money to do with as they wish – it does go towards a specific item, similar to a traditional wedding gift registry. However, there are some parts of the world where a monetary gift is acceptable (and sometimes the tradition) then this gives the guest the option of giving money without handing over a check or cash in an envelope. I think it should be one option the guests can choose, or not, with other registries or their own choice of gift as well since most guests will send a gift of some sort.
I for one believe it is time to put the lid on the whole tacky view of honeymoon registries. Here are some really good reasons to register for your honeymoon. Most couples already have what they need in terms of kitchen appliances and furniture. If you already have the household items a honeymoon registry is refreshing. It is a 100% authentic gift. You and your fiance get to do whatever your hearts desire on your honeymoon and it is often a trip you only do once at that scale and grandeur. It will be filled with amazing memories and that’s what your guests want for you. Sure, honeymoon registry may not allow for tangible products to be wrapped up but it is still an amazing way for your friends and family to kickstart your marriage. There is nothing tacky about that.