I am the stepmother to the groom. He and his fiance (both 31 years old) have been married twice before and this is there 3rd marriage. She has 2 children and they are both living with each other. I was a little taken back that for a 3rd marriage there would be a wedding shower. Also, since my husband remarried since the death of his first wife, the ex-inlaws do not have anything to do with him and they will be at the shower. I feel most uncomfortable around them. What is the proper etiquette? To send a present or no present at all for a couple who should already have everything. Also, the groom has lived with many women in between each marriage and we are skeptical as to whether this marriage will work.

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Dear Step Mother,

Showers for those who have been married before is common. After all this is the first time they are marrying each other. However, if any of these guests gave to them before, they are not expected to give a gift this time. This would be a perfect time to have a giftless shower though, since so many probably have given them gifts before.

If you were invited as one of the mothers, then you are supposed to attend and give a gift. If you were invited as one of the guests, then you are not expected to give a gift if not attending.

Please do not pre-judge that these two will not enjoy a happy marriage. This should be a time for people to be happy that they found love.

Best wishes,