We recently held a bachelor and bachelorette for the friends and family of my friends getting married in August. They walked away with a profit (as of yet) of $2000 so should the people who organized recoop their costs? The money has already been given to the bride and groom but I have spent a lot of money in the planning and preperation of the bachelor party. Can I ask for that money back?

Thanks so much for any advice that you have!

Donna, Wedding Queen

Im confused on a few points but mainly who is the “they” in “they” walked away with a profit?

Can you elaborate a bit?

Reader Response

The bride and groom have the money. The money is for the bride and groom butshouldn’t we all recover our cost first and then whatever is left over the bride and groom get to hel pfor the wedding?

Donna, Wedding Queen

I’m from the states and not familiar with all of the details on the stag and doe. But, I assume that this is akin to a bachelor/bachelorette party so I’ll answer in that frame of mind.

If the bride and groom have already been given the money then the ship has already sailed on this. I mean, you won’t go back to the bride and groom and ask for some of the money back.

Yes a stag and doe is a party to raise money for the wedding … people buy tickets to attend and purchase beverages and dance the night away. Generally I thought the organizers who paid money up front for supplies and such would get their money spent back before the “profits” were given to the bride and groom … but you think its too late to get the money I spent back if the money was given to the couple already?

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

From all of my references the Stag and Doe are the bachelor and bachelorette parties. There is no fee to attend these and it isn’t a fund raiser. So, this party is something that isn’t in any of my etiquette books or from any of my resources. It must be a regional tradition.

I wouldn’t imagine that the couple owes you anything if you offered to host the event.

Here it is viewed very negatively to charge guests to attend an event to benefit a couple. So, this is not something I can offer any advice about.

Thanks for your help anyways … it is rare here that the wedding party not hold a stag … must be a Canadian thing

Donna, Wedding Queen

Just because this idea is posted somewhere online doesn’t make it right or acceptable – sorry. I could site tons of links to other site where no mention is made about selling tickets..

But, the bottom line is that the couple has already been given the money. It would be in very poor taste to ask fro some of it back.

Reader Response

Yes but I dont agree with you saying its wrong just cause it isn’t acceptable where ever you are … here it is the norm and entirely acceptable and it just so happens to be the opposite here in Canada.

Donna, Wedding Queen

Okay, thanks for the education.