It’s no secret that my brother does not like my husband of over 8 years (together over a decade). But the fact is that we are married. We have three children. We have been through so much and we CONTINUE because that is what life and love and marriage is supposed to be about. I live in Georgia and he lives in NJ. I don’t even KNOW his fiance but I would never do anything to disrespect her. I am tired of my side of the family ignoring my marriage. I can’t take anymore.
I received the wedding announcement about 2 months ago. They addressed me by my maiden name. Okay… The other day I got the invitation and the response card has “MyNAME and Children”. I haven’t shown my husband who doesn’t even KNOW that my brother doesn’t like him. Besides all of this my brother is angry with me and hasn’t spoken to me in over a year. Our father (who he didn’t like either) passed away. I took it very hard. I didn’t take it out on my brother or anything but he got mad at me when we were talking and I said that he doesn’t look like our dad. Umm… This is nothing new. He looks more like my mother’s brother. But that’s his excuse for not talking to me for over a year. I can’t even begin to tell you all of the bad things that this brother of mine has done to me and put me and my mother through. And now I am supposed to drag my three kids out of school and drive up to NJ (12 -14 hours) by myself to attend a wedding where the groom doesn’t even care about me or my family? My mother wants me to ignore all of this as usual but I don’t think so. I dont’ think I am going to waste any of my vacation time on this. What should I do? Should I be angry? My husband has NEVER done anything to my brother AT ALL! As a matter of fact we allowed him to live with us before. I just don’t understand. Where and When should I draw the line?
PS – Did I mention that the wedding is on my deceased father’s birthday???
Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites, Inc
If you’re married you spouse should have been invited. But, he clearly wasn’t, so, you will have to decide what is best for you. We just do not know all of the particulars here. I would suggest speaking to your brother about why the two of you were not invited as a couple.
My husband and I haven’t been through anything that the average marriage doesn’t go through. My brother has been jealous of me (his little sister) since grade school. Jealous because I have been able to take care of myself on my own without mommy and daddy’s help (he still lives at home at 31). Angry because I got married. He didn’t even attend my wedding! I have done everything to try to please him but he is just one of those “I want to be angry” individuals. It isn’t my job to make him happy. He has to do it for himself.
I have decided to decline just because I don’t want others in the family to think that it’s okay to poop on my husband and my family. I have to take a stand. I don’t want to tell my husband about this because it will hurt him. He wants to get along with my family and he gets along great with my half brother who lives here in GA. They both were talking about driving up to the wedding together and everything. I know my husband will be surprised when I tell him we are not going. And I know it will break my mother’s heart. My kids have been planning on having a good time there. But I will be miserable knowing all of this and allowing it to be.
Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca
I would be angry as well if my husband was excluded. And, I agree that it may be best to make a stand here. After all, he clearly didn’t invite your entire family. But, I also agree with the Wedding Queen that it may be best to at least talk to him. If you want, the discussion could be about why you are not attending his wedding.
Personally, I do not agree with pretending that nothing is wrong when something clearly is. Parents often request this when they want everything to ‘look’ appropriate. But, when we do this, our family problems are never addressed. We stay angry and we leave ourselves open for abuse and sometimes we unintentionally hurt others because of our anger. So, please do not stay quiet.