Should we send bridal shower gifts if not attending shower?

My cousin is getting married next month in New York. In March, my Aunt had his fiance’s sister mail my sisters and I invitations to her bridal shower. I live in KY and my sisters live in CO. We obviously could not have attended. None of us sent gifts because we think it is tacky to mail people invitations just to get gifts. My Aunt has completely gone off the deep end saying we were required to send gifts, and that she was totally embarrassed that none of us sent gifts. She also said it was proper Etiquette to send a gift and that we are completely wrong. Were we wrong?

Fustrated In KY

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites, Inc

Dear Frustrated –

If your Aunt really wants to stand on etiquette then she should note that family members shouldn’t be hosting a bridal shower, unless the relative is a member of the bridal party.

I’ll quote Emily Post’s newest book, “Etiquette”, to reply to your gift question.

“Guests who cannot attend are not obliged to send a gift, though sometimes close friends and family do.”

So, it was your choice to send a gift or not.


thank you for the response. Another question I have is that My Aunt keeps saying that we have to do things a certain way because “New York Weddings are like that” for instance: She said we are not to send a gift for the wedding, but we are to send money only. I have never heard of that one either. Have you?

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites, Inc

Please post this as anew question. Thanks!