Wording wedding programs with Step-parents

My fiance’s parents are divorced and have both been remarried for over 10 years. Since the stepparents will be escorted to their seats with their spouses during the “seating of parents/grandparents” and the stepfather will be in a tux matching our fathers and the stepmother will have a corsage similar to our moms’, I feel that they should be listed in the program. People who don’t know them might be confused and not understand their involvement in the ceremony. However, the grooms mother has made it very clear that she does not want her husband’s name or groom’s stepmom’s name to appear on the program. She thinks it would be disrespectful to include them, whereas I think it would be disrespectful to leave them off.

Which is right? Should they be included??? or should they be left off?

Would it be ok to word it this way…

Groom’s mother and stepfather
Jane and John Doe

Groom’s father and stepmother
George Washington and Betsey Ross (Stepmom did not take Dad’s last name when they married)

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Dear Program,

Typically the stepmother is not part of the special seating of the mothers. Your fiance’s father and her would be seated in the third row and he would escort her. If she is considered as ‘one of the mothers’, which means that your fiance’s father is contributing or she and your fiance are very close and therefore part of the wedding party, she would be escorted as one of the mothers. If this is not the case, she wouldn’t be dressed as one of the mothers either.

If they are contributing or considered as one of the mothers, she would be listed in the program. If not, she wouldn’t because she would not be escorted.

The point of the program is to introduce the wedding party, among other things. So, bottom line: if the groom’s father and step mother are considered part of the bridal party, they should be included.

If she is to be included in the program, your example is a good one.

Best wishes,