Mother Of Groom Host Of Bridal Shower

I read that the mother of the groom is never supposed to host a bridal shower. However, given the circumstances of those who would give the shower if there were not for health, distance, financial, place to host etc difficulties are too much makes it not possible I (MOG) am best able to give the shower for a group of friends who I attend all their children’s wedding and baby showers (5 this summer!) My daughter (attendant in wedding) will be giving a family shower but does not have the room to include the extra 8-10 friends of the MOG.

Personally, I feel a shower that is over 15 – 18 people is getting way to big and I hate going to them. Is the rule that MOG doesn’t host the shower outdated? If I asked a friend to help me (at my home at my expense) would that then be proper ettiquette? I welcome comments!

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Dear Shadow,

We have many posts concerning this. It may be best you read them to gain a broader picture of this issue. Also, etiquette books include the same information.

Mothers shouldn’t host and the guests should not be your friends, ut close friends of the wedding couple. As you have mentioned, your group of friends routinely meet for these parties. While this is a nice thought, it isn’t proper etiquette and is usually a custom in small towns or rural areas of small populations. Many times these parties become a competition of who gives what. You attend their events, which means you purchase gifts for them, so you would understandably want something in return for your family.

The bridal shower is supposed to include only close friends and family of the couple, not their parent’s friends. The couple shouldn’t have more than 2 showers and all guests must be invited to the wedding as well. Wedding guests are invited by the couple and should be those they really want to attend, which doesn’t always include parental friends.

Your daughter is already hosting a shower. This means the couple is already receiving multiple gifts from some wedding guests. This one shower is enough unless a friend wishes to host one for friends and/or family of the bride.

This rule is not outdated. It is logical and fair. The shower is an optional party and one that isn’t always fair to wedding guests. It may be best for everyone to honestly consider if a bridal shower is necessary for the couple and how best to host it so it doesn’t appear as if multiple gifts are the focus of the wedding.

Best wishes,