Q: “Who Pays for the Bachelor Party?”

I’m going to leave the obvious connotations to this question unanswered and instead focus on how to spoil the bachelor himself.  Going on a bachelor party is literally the closest thing to having your 5th birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese’s.  It’s supposed to be a magical day where extravagant food is ushered to you by oddly dressed characters at any moment’s notice and for no good reason at all.  Did you have to pay for your pizza?  Heck no.  Those quarters for the arcade machine surely won’t from you sweating your brow while meticulously doing the dishes that one time for your allowance.  So your buddy’s bachelor party should be no different.  He shouldn’t have to pay for a thing, but does that mean you have go broke so he can have a good time?  Not a chance.

Assuming your friend isn’t a recluse loner with a single human friend (you) and a myriad of action figures, there will most likely be a slew of other underlings willing on debauchery at every turn.  While some will call those guys “friends” or “buddies” or “compadres”, I like to call those guys “fractions.”  They pay their own way and help you pick up the tab for your real friend, the guest of honor and bachelor.  Bar tab is $200 and there are 11 of you, of course your buddy doesn’t pay, he’s the bachelor, divide that piece by 10 and get $20 per person.  Dinner was $500, collect $50 per person.  Hotel room was $1000 for the weekend, get $100 per person.  By now you’re starting to see I can divide by 10.  The initial number that popped in my head was 13 but there wasn’t a calculator around and I don’t have enough toes to do that math.

Boiled down to a simple truth, your buddy shouldn’t have to pay for a thing for his special day, but that doesn’t mean you have to pick up the tab alone.  Just make sure there are enough fractions there with you.  And try and get that number to 10.  Anything else will be difficult to divide by.