Bride doesn’t want a bridal shower

My boyfriend and I are planning a simple wedding and reception and are moving along with our plans despite the fact that his mom is calling us everyday to ask us a millions questions. She is very intrusive but we deal with it.
A few days ago his sister called and invitied me to breakfast with her and his aunt. I accepted thinking it was just going to be a short and sweet breakfast with his sisters and aunt. Today, his mom called and then started talking and surprised me by saying that I could “invite my mom to the bridal shower”.
I asked her “what’s going on exactly?” and she said that the breakfast had turned into a bridal shower and that she was going to be there plus his grandma, aunts and sisters.
So, it went from a cozy breakfast to a big party. (I think she had her hand in guilting his sisters into it)

My problem with the situation is this:
1. I really don’t want to have a bridal shower. (it’s not even part of my culture – I’m indian)
2. If I did want to have one I would like to have some people from my side there like friends and family.
3. I feel mislead because I thought it was going to be a simple breakfast not a big party.
4. I feel pressured into ‘bonding’ with everyone during the shower.

I called someone that I thought would be able to give some advice but all she had to say was that I should grin and bear it. She said that she hated her bridal shower and that most brides do. I’ve thought about doing the same thing that she did but I’m such a private person that I can’t imagine having to sit through a bridal party with people I don’t know and just hating it the whole time. It seems like an awful way to start the celebration of my wedding.
I just feel so put off by the whole thing. In addition to that she’ll call us and ask about our plans like if we’re going to have a singer or not. And if we say we’re not then her reply is usually something like “oh, but every wedding I’ve been to has had a singer.” “you’re really not going to have a singer?” “but, i can sing then if you want me to” “oh, well if you’re sure you don’t want a singer there – but that’s really odd”

I feel overwhelmed with her presence…
Please help with any advice, thanks!

Nancy Tucker

Dear Bride in the Dark,

It sounds like its’ time you and Fiance to sit down with his Mom to explain your plans and desires and the fact that you are doing things this way for a reason. You want it this way, plus you have your own customs and traditions.

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

I completely agree with Ms. Tucker. Also, another thing you could mention to your soon to be mother in law is that it is viewed negatively by many for the family to host a bridal shower. So, this may be another reason for you to feel uncomfortable with it.

Good luck with the talk 🙂