My parents went through a bitter divorce when I was 5 which led to over a decade and half of strong family divison. Both parents have remarried but still hold bitter feelings towards each other and step-parents have been involved in the tension. My father moved across country and my step-father has played an important role in my upbringing since I was in fifth grade. He did the day-to-day duties of a dad since my dad was not close by. My dad and I have maintained a close relationship seeing each other about once a year. I would like to have my father walk me down the aisle and than have my step-dad meet us half way and continue down the aisle to the altar. My father refuses since he states that he is my one and only father. But my heart says that I would be doing myself and my beliefs a great disservice by not honoring my step-father for his years of raising me when he didn’t have to. My dad says that it’s disrespectful to even consider having anyone join us since he is my biological father. He has stated that he would not attend the wedding if my step-father walked because it would be a embarassing and disrespectful. What should I do? Should I just walk by myself? Or should I ask my mom to walk with my dad and I which would put them together after years of hate? HELP!
Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites
It’s a shame that you must be still feeling the repercussions of your parents’ divorce.
Have you spoken to your stepfather? Perhaps he would understand if you told him how you felt. Maybe he would be okay with your biological father walking you down the aisle in order to keep the peace. He sounds like he really cares for you so maybe he will step aside for your father, especially if he knows that you intended to have him escort you. Also…you could have a special dance with your step father at the reception and honor him in that way. There is a cd containing special songs for stepfamily relationships called:
“Yours, Mine & Ours” Songs for special relationships
I hope this helps give you some peace.
How many happier brides would there be in the world if the parents understood, it’s not about them?
The wedding queen is right..if your dad is to be a part of the ceremony, then your step dad will have to be honored in another way. If your father is insistent in not sharing the honors, you should have a conversation with him to remind him that you are an adult and would like to honor both men who’ve had a part in raising you.
From the etiquettely correct standpoint, is it wrong to have a dad and step-dad walk a bride? My dad and step-mom say that it is while I feel that it shouldn’t matter since all of my family and my fiance’s family know that my parents are divorced and that I lived with my mom and step-dad. I’ve been told that by doing this, I would be “slapping” my dad in the face and disregarding him as a father. He says that there should not be a step-father – daughter dance either after the father-daughter dance.
Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites,
There are no etiquette rules againts having more than one person walking the bride down the aisle; it’s all up to you. I caution you to consider everyone’s feelings and comfort here. Will both “dads” be comfortable to be walking with you at the same time…TOGETHER?
Again, I would speak to both dads, letting them each know how you feel. Tell your bio dad that you are going to honor your stepfather in some way that will not include him (maybe with a dance but maybe not asking them both to walk with you down the aisle together) since he was there for your day to day life and that you will also honor your bio dad in the traditional way a daughter honors her father too. Unfortunately, you may have to tell him, your mom and stepfather that they all have to accept the choices you make or risk missing out on what’s really important, seeing you get married. Again, make the choices that will be the least uncomfoprtable for all involved.
You could choose to have no escort and walk down the aisle alone too.