Well, 3 days away from my daughter’s bridal shower, and I have to say it has been a long road.
Our daughter is getting married and Dad and the groom are not on speaking terms. Groom disrespected dad 4 yrs ago when he was treating our daughter badly and ended up breaking up with her. Well they are getting married now and the shower is on Sunday. I have been keeping the peace and getting most of the flack. I told my husband this wedding is going to happen whether he like it or not, so lets make the best of it. I thought an “olive branch” might be to just be at shower when she arrives and give a hug and kiss and leave. Dad and bride are on speaking terms always have been, they are very close, but before she walks into the arms of another, I think a hug from dad is in order…help !Do you think Dad should attend the bridal shower?
Dr. Meredith Hansen Find Love. Get Love. Keep Love.
As much as this must break your heart, it is up to your husband, daughter, and your daughter’s fiance to work through this issue. Forcing your husband and your daughter’s fiance into an awkward face-to-face may back fire, especially at their shower.
instead of working to get everyone on happy terms, focus on expressing your feelings to your husband. Tell him how much it hurts and disappoints you to see these dynamics playing out. Let him know that you do not expect him to be extremely close to his soon to be son-in-law, but that you would appreciate it if he could be cordial and make some sort of effort to repair the relationship.
On Sunday, let go and enjoy your daughter and the people who are there to support and celebrate her.
Having your husband at the shower to give a hug and leave sounds like a good idea if he is willing to be cordial. It might be a good idea for you and your daughter to have a woman to man conversation and let him know that to not at least be cordial and try to mend fences would be very disappointing for both of you. To me, he needs to show a little more “respect” for his daughter and her choices.
Another idea: If the father is walking his daughter down the aisle at the wedding, when he and his daughter gets to the altar, it might be a good time for him to shake hands with the groom and “sincerely” wish them much success in their marriage.
It might also be a good idea for the bride and groom to get some coaching on how to cope with this situation in the future. Also, to be sure that there are not any other issues that need to be dealt with prior to marriage since, “he treated the daughter badly” in the past.
Well Larry, your response was very nice…I do want you to know my husband is just about the easiest guy to get along with. In fact when people hear that he does not get along with the groom the reaction is ” WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE GROOM”. Our daughter has the same easy going manner, they actually are in the same line of work and people respect them like I have never seen 2 people respected. The groom did a very bad thing 4 years ago when he told her father to “mind his business and to remember he was not even her real dad”…ummm…our daughters bio-father died and when I married again my husband took the children as his own. We have never even spoke of steps in our house,except the ones that go up to the bedrooms. So to have the groom say something so mean just turned Dad off. Also he was stalking our daughter after they broke up because he didnt want her will anyone else. Our daughter is very smart, but love is blind. Dad has a wonderful relationship with all 3 children and the funny thing is ..the 2 girls are so much like him people are shocked if it comes up that he is not the bio-dad. After reading both of the responses my husband called her and they had a nice talk, he is still on the fence about going to make a visit to the shower. Only because he doesnt want to upset the Bride. Our 14 yr old son who just loves his big sister just wants to go to see her and be a part of the day. We have 3 days to figure this out. Thank you so much. So hard to ask a question without telling all the facts..this is pretty much it..oh unless you want to talk Grandparents…..that would be way tooo much. Hahaha..;)
Oh one more thing….speaking of mending fences…my husband has been waiting for 9 months to see him..on 3 seperate time my husband has asked to speak to him and all 3 times he has not responded. Oh and did I mention he bought house across the street from us, and he said he is not coming over, my husband said he would meet him on the yellow line, still nothing…very very heaart breaking