Shower and bachelorette party ok for bride’s second wedding

I will be getting married for the second time and it will be my fiance’s first. I am having my mother stand for me in lieu of a bridal party. What is the proper etiquette regarding bridal showers and bachlorette parties? I have a large circle of friends, many of whom are new since my first wedding, and they have mentioned having a shower. I don’t feel comfortable having a shower when I had one before (9 years ago, but still). I feel like it’s just being greedy! I dont’ want to offend my new friends but I feel awkward asking my old friends to do it all over again. My mom would never think to host a shower, especially since she was very generous before and she isn’t financially able to do something again – plus, I dont think she’d think it was appropriate.

I appreciate any help you can provide.


Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites, Inc

It is considered acceptable for second time brides to be given a shower, but the guests who gave to you the first time ’round won’t be expected to give again. That’s the technically correct answer, although, how many of us would attend a shower and not bring a gift because we already gave the first time?

You should probably just politely decline the offer to be given a shower since you obviously feel uncomfortable about it. And, not many women, even the first timers, really need showers anymore, right? Explain your reasons. I’m sure your friends will understand. Perhaps they will suggest holding some sort of gift-less event such as a girl’s night (or day) out where you can all get together and celebrate the upcoming wedding. This can be a quasi bachelorette party, if you will. Maybe just a bit tamer like a spa day or evening at a local restaurant. They should suggest this since, if you suggest, you’re the host and you pay.

Congratulations on finding love again.

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Great answer and I completely agree. Plus, more and more brides/couples are opting for gift-less showers for just this reason–even first timers. Those “traditional” prewedding parties just don’t seem as appropriate any more without a bit of tweaking. [:)]