Step Children Not Invited To Family Wedding

Hello, I’d appreciate advice on how to deal with our wedding invite from my husband’s sister.

My husband & I have been together for over 12 years, married 3 and a half years. We have one 10-year-old son together, and I have 2 children, ages 17 & 19, who have been brought up by my husband as his own since we met, with no involvement from their own father. My husband’s sister is to be married next year, she lives abroad, and her wedding is at a resort abroad, although not where she lives. We initially were told by my husband’s mother we were ‘all invited’. There is no other family at all on my husband’s side, other than his mother, father & sister.

My sister-in-law is not inviting a large number of guests, and is not sending out invites, so has emailed my husband, saying she hopes that he, myself & our youngest son can attend. No mention of our elder two children.

I’m stuck as to what to do, and feel very hurt that someone would invite half a family to a wedding.

I see our options as following;
1) ask my husband to speak to his mother and/or sister
2) we all decline the invitation, but say nothing
3) just my husband attends, alone
4) just my husband & myself attend – although this is likely to be impractical due to leaving children at home / childcare

I can’t take one child & tell the other two they’re not invited.

Many thanks in advance.

Jay Remer, The Etiquette Guy, International Protocol and Corporate & Social Etiquette

There appears to be a breakdown in communication. You have clearly given this matter a lot of thought and your first suggestion of speaking with your husband is the best idea. If they won’t budge on the guest list after the chat, either regret or your husband goes as representing your family, if you cannot get a baby sitter. One must always remember that the guest list is in the hands of the host, not the guest. There are many reasons why guest lists are ‘pruned’, some unfortunately are oversights. I hope that is the case here, but if it is not, do not take the decision personally. Best of luck.

Dr. Meredith Hansen Find Love. Get Love. Keep Love.

I agree with The Etiquette Guy, start by speaking to your husband about your feelings and have him follow up with his sister. Once you have a clear understanding of who is invited, you and your husband can decide how you would like to proceed.