My boyfriend is a groomsmen in a wedding that I am also invited to. Originally the bride and groom had included rooms for the wedding party (but only the wedding party) Now everyone in the wedding party is allowed to have their significant other stay in the rooms with them.Multiple couples in each room. They however have said that I cannot stay because it will be over the limit (they are already 2 people over limit). Should my boyfriend stay somewhere else with me or am I expected to stay alone somewhere? I find this whole situation horrible and think that it is very rude for me to have been singled out this way. This will apply to the rehearsal dinner night and the night of the wedding. I don’t want my boyfriend to have a more stressful time because he has to stay separately from the wedding party but I also am not going to stay at a hotel alone for 2 night. I think I should just not attend but he is emphatic about me coming. I don’t know where to stay or what to do when he is making me come to a wedding where he will be unavailable for all day Friday and basically all day Saturday until the reception at 5 and he has to be getting ready at 9 am. What do I do?
Darlene Taylor, PBC
I’m not sure I understand the whole room situation – are the rooms provided for the wedding party having more than one person in them? Or does each wedding party member have their own room? I’m assuming the former since you said that they are over fire code. So…
Why not have your boyfriend stay in the provided hotel room on Friday with his friends and then the two of you get a room together for after the wedding? You can come and join him for the wedding festivities and then you two can have your own room for that night. Once the wedding is over, there will be no “need” to hang out with the wedding party. I would think you two would want some privacy after the wedding and not have to share a room with a bunch of other people. You should not be expected to stay alone especially if your boyfriend wants you to come *with* him and be a part of this with him.
As far as what the bride said, there could be a whole host of reasons why she said what she said. So just let it roll off your back.
Yes the wedding party is sharing rooms
Although I think your suggestion is probably the best option I don’t have the money to stay at a hotel alone nor do I feel comfortable having to drive 30 min alone after the rehearsal dinner to go be alone in a hotel. We also only have one car so I will not be able to drive up to the wedding the next day. Thank you for your help! I just also wanted to know if I was justified in being offended about the situation.
I think Bridal Consultant gave some good advice. It sounds like a very good compromise!
Darlene Taylor, PBC
Oh! What I wrote was that you wouldn’t join him until the wedding day itself since you’re so uncomfortable being alone. But since you only have one car – see if HE can hitch a ride with someone and you can join him at the wedding and then you can drive home together. After the wedding you two would SHARE the cost of a room somewhere for that night, or better yet, HE should pay since it would be the responsible thing to do. He wants you to come, but there is no room for you to stay. So, he has a decision to make for how he will take care of you. If he really wants you to come, HE needs to do some talking to the other wedding party members and the bride about having his girl there with him like everybody else. Check with the hotel that the wedding party is at and ask them if there is a block of rooms for the “so&so wedding.” Chances are there is a block of rooms at a discounted rate for wedding party guests that you two can take advantage of.
As far as being offended – I heard a saying once, “No one can offend a dead person.” That means that no one can offend you unless you let them. I think being offend over something someone said or did is a big waste of time and energy.
If none of this works out – maybe it is Fate stepping in and saying you shouldn’t go. Sometimes things just don’t work out. But, if you decide not to go, you’ll be alone at home. Is that OK with you? If you decide not to go, will you be mad at him and hold it against him? If you do get this worked out and go for the weekend, don’t be upset at the bride for her failure to plan for +1’s, and don’t be upset at your boyfriend for being busy with bridal party activities. It’s nothing personal towards you. Take a good book, or download some good APPS for your phone to occupy yourself on the wedding day until you go to the wedding. Support your man having fun and be there for him when he gets back. He will SO appreciate you for that. You are a big girl, you can handle being by yourself for a little bit.
I think I probably did not explain the situation well enough and I do appreciate your advice. We were not informed that I was not included in the significant others that could stay until after the time period to reserve rooms in hotel block at a hotel had ended..that hotel is 30 minutes away. We also live 4 hours away. I am quite capable of staying somewhere alone and would prefer to stay home as I originally said. You are right you cannot offend a dead person but I fortunately am still alive and do have feelings. I would have had no issue if the situation from the beginning had been us staying apart or if I had been informed of things in a timely manner but with the wedding being this weekend it has caused significant issues. We covered our bases with trying to find rides for either of us but we live farther south than anyone else. My problem was not with being excluded but that telling me I couldnt stay was an afterthought (a week before the wedding) and the position she put my boyfriend in by asking him to choose between me and the wedding party. He obviously wanted to stay with me and now she is being rude and calling him constantly about how he is making things more difficult for them.
Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites
I’m coming a little late to this party but, as I see it, the only responsibility the bridal couple has, with regard to offering accommodations, is to their bridal party. However, if they went ahead and made allowances for the spouses, then all spouses (or significant others) should be included. It should be an all or nothing deal. (Though, to me it seems weird to have more than one couple to a room.) So, if I understand the issue correctly, the bride is not being fair or mannerly.
Here’s the bigger issue, though…what will you do with this information? What does your boyfriend want to do? If you were my daughter I’d advise you to suck it up and stay separately (as a mother I’d tell my unmarried daughter that in any circumstances though 😛 ), allowing your boyfriend to participate in the wedding in the manner he needs. (and, as a mother I’d also advise you to see if there is another woman attending who needs someone to stay with so you won’t be in a hotel room alone). That does not make what the bride did right or nice, but you should not let others influence your behavior. Have a mature discussion with your boyfriend and try to leave hurt feelings aside while determining what to do next.
Thank you!! Best advice yet. I will be staying home with our animals and saving us lots of money!
Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites
Just make sure that you discuss this with your boyfriend since it could cause problems for you two and for his relationship with his friends. Take the high road!