Should You Choose Your Own Engagement Ring?


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So you’ve been dating for a while and you’re in love. You know it, your partner knows it, and likely everyone else, from your grandmother to the cashier at the corner store, knows it as well.

And as is usually the case, you’re waiting for your significant other to pop the question. It’s just a logical progression that stems from your undying love and immensely satisfying relationship, right? Of course, but it also brings up one very significant question. What about the ring?

Maybe you have your heart set on a princess-cut diamond set in platinum. Maybe you’re absolutely sure that you want a diamond that has been certified as conflict-free. Perhaps you don’t want a diamond at all and have your heart set on a fire opal or a stunning ruby.

Does your partner know this? Is it awkward to literally lay out your specific wishes in an engagement ring before the proposal has even been made? In short, should you just choose your own engagement ring?

More and more people are doing so these days, but does this deprive your partner of their choice in the matter? If you’re on the engagement ring fence, here are some reasons why it’s perfectly acceptable for you to choose your own ring, some reasons why you shouldn’t, and subtle ways to drop some hints.

Yes, Choose Your Own Ring  

A lot has changed when it comes to relationships and marriages. Both partners tend to feel that they are equally responsible for many aspects of the relationship and traditional roles are very different than they were even a generation ago.

If you’re comfortable in your relationship and with your partner and you have eschewed the idea of your partner choosing the ring alone, then by all means have a conversation. Discuss the engagement ring budget, your preferences, and visit jewelry stores together to see what works and what doesn’t. You could even make an event out of your ring shopping day and hire a photographer to accompany you.

An engagement ring is an important piece of jewelry and you want it to be exactly right.

No, Don’t Choose Your Own Ring

Imagine that you’re the one who’s going to propose. Imagine how nerve-wracking it must be, when every other day a video surfaces of yet another epic “will you marry me?” that probably makes most of those considering a marriage proposal quake in their boots. Frankly, it’s an intimidating time to be asking for someone’s hand in marriage.

If you trust your partner enough to get married, you should trust that they’ll do the right thing when it comes to choosing your engagement ring. Perhaps your partner will talk to your friends about your ring preference, and you know they know because you likely told them, many times. The internet is full of articles and information about engagements rings for the clueless.

Don’t deprive your partner of the experience of selecting your ring. It’s a meaningful moment and will likely be much more meaningful if you let it be a surprise.

Hints, Hints, and More Hints

Perhaps the best course of action when you know a proposal is imminent is to start leaving clues. As was previously mentioned, tell all of your friends about your dream engagement ring. To be on the safe side maybe you should also tell your grandmother and that cashier as well. The more people who know that you want that princess-cut diamond set in platinum, the better.

You can also take it a few steps further and make things pretty obvious. Find a photo of your favorite ring and make it the background photo on your laptop. Or make it the background photo on your partner’s laptop. Text a photo of the ring to your partner by accident, then make up something cute and clever as a distraction.

There are many different ways that you can hint and make your partner’s ring selection job a lot easier, and when time comes and your dream proposal happens, you’ll have your dream ring to go with it.

A marriage proposal is serious business, and a great deal of thought should go into the ring. However, just as your relationship is unique, so is the process of choosing that ring. Whether you decide that it should be something you do together, or you stay behind the scenes and let your partner make the choice, just remember that, in the end, it’s all about love.

And hints. Lots and lots of hints.