As the MOB, I have tried unsucessfully to get the MOG to cooporate. She has went from not wanting to contribute anything to running the show. My daughter and her fiance are at their wits end, as am I. Some examples of her bad behavior: insisting on planning the reception meal, drinks etc., at OUR expense. Finally offering to host the rehearsal dinner but making her own list of who may attend (excluding our pastor and wife, and demanding that junior bridesmaids aged 9 and 10 eat off their parents plates!!) excluding the children’s parents from the rehearsal dinner, Demading that NO PARENTS be introduced at the reception since she is divorced from her husband, threatening to keep her daughters out of the wedding because she does not care for the bridesmaids dresses and shoes. I just want to tell her to shut up, show up and wear beige!!! This list of her behavior can go on and on. How do we handle her??
She has also already bought her gown before I bought mine, so told my daughter to have me work around the color she picked. She is refusing to “allow” us to have the gift opening at the motel the day after the wedding (as a brunch) as she believes it should be hosted at MY house by ME and does not believe she should have to pay for her brunch the motel offers.
Alittle background..wedding is August 19th of this year, bride and groom are 22 and 24 respectively, and wedding will be paid for by brides family. We have set a budget for the kids and told them to do WHATEVER they like within that budget. Sounded like a very smooth event…..but it just keeps getting uglier. I have yet to speak with her on all of her demands since she started this while I was out of town for my dad’s funeral.
Any input would be greatly appreciated!
Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca
Dear At Wit’s End,
She can say whatever she wants and can make any demand she wants to make, but that doesn’t mean that she has any control. Her buying her dress is unfortunate. Because this is something all of you have to deal with. Plus, it was not polite to exclude the parents and the officiate from the rehearsal dinner. You or the happy couple may want to host this instead.
This is a problem her son, your daughter’s fiance should solve. She is his mother. He needs to stand up for his bride and his wedding. If not, it could be that she may think that she can control other aspects in their lives.
Bottom line: he, not you needs to step up and take the reins.
She can be taken out of the equation, except for special seating.
Thanks for your input. I knew this to be true, just needed it to be validated.
How would you suggest he approach her on these issues? How can he tactfully tell her she needs to back out of these decisions? He looks to me for advise and I want him to read this post. I too do not want to see her offended, but she stepped way past the line. I would gratefully pay to host every aspect of the wedding including the rehearsal, but would like to avoid a knee jerk reaction from her that would deeply hurt her son. And the families will be connected for a very long time.
Any suggestions on how he can approach her is greatly appreciated.
At Wit’s end for sure
Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca
You are a very considerate mom. Your soon to be son in law is very lucky.
I suppose the best thing for him to do is to sit down and be very honest with her about her behavior and his expectations. Perhaps she mistakes her behavior as ‘taking an interest’.
If my son cared enough to spend time with me, I would listen to every single word. I think we mothers miss those days when our children were young and we had all of the time we wanted with them.
Here’s hoping for the best!
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