Nieces and Nephews involvement in the wedding

Between my fiance and I, we have 5 nephews and 3 nieces. By the time we get married they will be ages (girls) 12, 5, 4; (boys) 11, 8, 7, 4, 4.

We live in CA and our nieces/nephews are in IL and NY, so we want them as part of the ceremony (and they are ALL super-excited to be a part of the ceremony!)

I figure the 2 littlest girls can be flower girls and the 2 littlest boys can be ring bearers. It’s all the other ones I’m not sure how to use them in the ceremony

The only thing I don’t want is to have the 2 oldest do (1 girl and 1 boy) is any sort of junior bridesmaid or groomsman.

Any ideas?


Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites

You have to be really careful with those “tweens”. They can be really sensitive at that age. I’d suggest asking them to do a reading if you think they’d be comfortable in front of a large group. You really have to consider the child’s personality when choosing a role in the wedding.

Other suggestions would be for them to hand out programs (greeters), rice (if the church allows tosses) or bell ringer. Other than junior attendants, there really aren’t other roles where these kids could walk the aisle. I’m not sure why you have an aversion to that role, but the young lady would probably find it fun to get dressed as a bridesmaid for the day. She has little to no responsibilities.

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

I agree with all this great advice. Jr. attendants would be the best roll for the oldest. But, you could always create a postion for them as well–if your wedding is informal.

Jay Remer, The Etiquette Guy, International Protocol and Corporate & Social Etiquette

I have tried to figure out what the best way to advise you on this and really feel that you need to reconsider the whole concept. Having managed a lot of wedding, I have found that young children, which these eight would be, can be wild cards. They can have unpredictable emotional swings and can be very sensitive and shy. To manage them all is impractical and will be a mistake. I think the idea of being able to have the entire chorus from The Sound of Music is romantic and fanciful and in an ideal world would be wonderful, I think from a practical point of view, it is not likely to be a good idea. I agree with Donna on this, but am not as flexible in my stance. I would also advise that although they may say they are excited from a distance, when the rubber hits the mat, things could change. The last thing you want is for anyone to be managing a large group of children inexperienced in the importance of this milestone of your life. Best of luck and congratulations! May you have many happy years of magic together!