My husband and I are friends with the bride of an upcoming wedding (December). I have been a bridesmaid since plans begun. Recently one of the groomsmen had a horrible fight with the groom and is out of the wedding. My husband was asked to be in the wedding and he agreed as we both assumed we would be paired together. The bride says that she wants to place us with different people because of height issues. Husband and I are the same height. The other bridesmaid she wants to place him with is my same height. We are concerned that we will not be able to be together while enjoying our friends wedding because we could potentially be seated separately and introduced separately (with another individual). I am already uncomfortable about being escorted at the wedding by someone I do not know because I have recently found what color I will be wearing. Most of the bridesmaids are brown to dark skinned. The color I will be wearing is “Tangelo” by Alfred Angelo and I have a tannish complexion with orange undertones the dress is also chiffon and I will be wearing it at an outdoor December wedding ceremony. The other bridesmaids will be in canary yellow, fuscia, and coral. I do not want to be a diva or seem like my needs are more important than the brides wants. But if I have to participate in an outdoor wedding in December, in a Chiffon skin colored dress I think I at least deserve to be escorted by my Husband. I do not however want to stress the bride out, as she has alot on her plate. No dress has been purchased as of yet.
By the way. Husband and I are in an interracial relationship. He is Cuban but looks Indian and she wants to pair him with the Indian bridesmaid. I am Black and she wants to place me with a groomsman who happens to be Black/Hatian. I would hate to think that this is her logic, but my mind is racing.
Am I overreacting?
Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites
I don’t think we can get into the heads of the bride and groom, and it is their right (even if we think it silly) to pair up the bridesmaids and groomsmen as they see fit, so let’s approach this practically.
When you first accepted the role as bridesmaid, your husband was not a groomsman and, therefore, you would not have been paired with him. Why does having him in the wedding party make a difference?
Sure, it would have been nice if the two of you were paired up (and, if you haven’t politely asked if this is an option, please do, but accept and respect their decision), but if you’re not, you spend little time at your seats during the reception. I’m sure you’ll have plenty of time to dance and enjoy your husband’s company. Take the opportunity to meet and get to know some new people.
Jay Remer, The Etiquette Guy, International Protocol and Corporate & Social Etiquette
I agree with Donna 100% on this. It’s not your responsibility to sort this out and over-thinking will lead you nowhere. Think of this as an adventure. Have a wonderful time. You will look stunning!
I agree! As usual Donna says it first and best! Don’t let your “racing mind,” detract from the wedding fun.
I will just add in with my agreement as well. Since you weren’t even going to be in the wedding party with your husband in the first place (Great point, Donna!) then the fact that you are now in the wedding party together should be a plus all of its own. It doesn’t matter why she’s doing it and I’m certain she hasn’t thought as much about it as you have, it is her choice and you should just go with it. At least with you both being in the wedding party (but not paired) you’ll both be included in all of the bridal party activities now. You’ll get your time together at the table (before this, you wouldn’t even have been seated at the same table) and you’ll get to do the pictures together, dance for the bridal party dance and join along with bridal party “stuff” so there is your bright side to not being paired. Just enjoy yourself and stop worrying too much about it or you’ll take the fun out of it for you and your husband.
Larry James, President CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com Ordained Wedding Minister, professional speaker, author and relationship coach.
Caution: Don’t be a Bridesmaidzilla! 😉 The bride has spoken. This is now a non-issue. Are you overreacting? Yep! Just go to the wedding and have FUN!
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