I am very new to the Wedding Party thing and am currently learning a lot. I have a few questions about who should be responsible for paying for what. There are 5 bridesmaids in the group and I would say that none of us have tons of money lying around. We are responsible for the couples shower, the lingerie shower and the bachelorette party. I dont have an issue with being a part of these things; however the demands from the Bride keep growing. The lingerie shower and bachelorette party are being held together. She wants us to have the lingerie party w/ decoreations, dinner, clubbing, and a limo. I’ve priced out a few options for us and they are all running about $100 ea just for the bachelorette party. This doesn’t include the cost of invitations, decorations, food, etc for the party or the cost of gifts. (Also, not to mention the money spent on dresses already) So, my question is….Is the bride responsible for paying for any of these things she expects on the night of the Bachelorette party? [crazy]

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Dear New to This,

The bride is not responsible for any of the costs. But, she also cannot demand for you to host any type of party. She can ‘inform’ you of her wishes. But, the parties are the host’s choice.

The bridesmaids are only responsible for a gift for only one of the showers. So, if she wants two parties, she only receives gifts from one for each of you. You also could give her a joint gift instead of one each.

To combine a bachelorette party and a lingerie shower would mean that only the bridal party would be invited to the shower. This means that she would receive nothing from all of you at her first shower.

Perhaps she has no idea how much money all of this is costing all of you. You will have gifts, your clothing, the bachelorette party, including splitting her costs between all of you. It is a good idea to write it all down and presenting to her.

Best wishes,

New to this!

Wow! Thanks for the reply. You said what I was thinking, she doesn’t pay but then she doesn’t get to plan either. The sad thing is I do think she knows what we are spending b/c we had a group meeting to plan and she was there. She knows that we set a budget of $150 per person to cover these things. However, from that $150 we have to cover the showers and the bachelorette party. Thats on top of the $200 we spent for our dresses/shoes. What’s a good way to bring this up since its very obvious she knows we already set a budget and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that if the bachelorette party is going to cost around $100 that doesn’t leave room for much else. Also, am I being petty thinking that this is too much or the demands are too high?

Thanks so much for your quick response; it definitely cleared my mind. I appreciate your help! [:P]

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

You are definitely not being petty. This is a huge amount of money. But, I don’t know of any other way besides just telling and showing her how much this costs. You may have to be very direct and let her know that some things may not be exactly as she dreams.