Hi,

I have two daughters who are getting married next year. I offered to pay for their showers and let the bridesmaids do most of the planning. Please tell me if it is the mother of the bride who purchases the wedding garter, goblets and special keepsake knife to cut the wedding cake. Thank you.[:)]

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Dear Mother of the Bride,

Mothers do not host (pay or plan) for the shower. So, if you plan on paying, you would be a very silent partner. You would not plan anything as this is supposed to be an optional party.

The couple is responsible for everything these days. But, anyone may give these items to them.

Many of today’s brides are skipping the garter. It really has no real meaning any more.

Best wishes,

Weddings by Shayna

If your daughters are younger brides, your concern might be that their friends would be unable to afford, or know how to plan a shower, but that really is the domain of the bridesmaids and not the parents of the bride. I agree that you should plan to be a silent partner in the showers if you choose to contribute financially.

As for the traditional items, anyone may give them as a gift, but realize that many people think of it – you may want to hold off a bit to see if another close family member or friend decides to gift these items – it can be tricky to honor all of the people who gave ultiple toasting glasses and cake sets without hurting feelings. You can always give them as a special wedding gift before the wedding, or at the rehearsal dinner.