Your Guide To Funny (And Tasteful) Groom’s Speech Jokes


best man brother speech example

When it’s time to pick up the mic as a groom, you don’t have to have the entire room in tears to make an everlasting memory. Instead of gushing praise or boring the crowd, it’s okay to throw in a joke or two.

Yes, it is the best man’s speech which traditionally follows that will be filled with jokes, humor and some good old-fashioned banter. But the groom’s speech structure should also contain some jokes too.

Get the balance right and you’ll have a stormer of a speech with a perfect blend of reflection and humor. And more importantly, don’t make them too crude or abusive towards the new mother-in-law. Rule that out straight away. You don’t want to get off to the worst possible start to married life do you?

So, with all that in mind, what sort of jokes are right for a groom to include? Certainly, nothing that insults family, friends or assembled guests. But a pleasant bit of mickey taking, a few funny anecdotes, and some personal gentle ribbing do work well and ensure the groom’s speech goes down a storm.

Components That Make A Great Speech

Opening Line Examples

“I’ve been told to keep it short and keep it clean, so I’ve had it dangled in a pint of icy water for the last 15 minutes”

“The last time I addressed a room full of people like this I was in court.”

“Let me tell you that is not the first time today I have risen from a warm seat with a bit of paper in my hand.”

“I’d like to thank Mastercard and Visa, without whom this would never have been possible. My wife and I will be forever in their debt.”

“Without all of you here today, it wouldn’t be the same…but it would be cheaper.”

“My speech today will be like a mini skirt, long enough to cover the essentials, and short enough to hold your attention.”

“Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen. I had prepared a superb speech for you today, but unfortunately, now that I am married … I’ve been told to read this one instead.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, I had originally intended to just say a few words. But before dinner was served my lovely wife took my speech, rewrote it and left me with this version that’s more fitting for accepting an Oscar.”

About Your Bride

“I’ve got a very funny speech prepared for you, but my wife has told to me read this one instead.”

“My ex-girlfriend and I would like to thank you all for coming today.”

“My Wife Says I Never Listen, Or Something Like That.”

“I’ve married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.”

“When it comes to talking about my bride’s good points, where do I start? She’s intelligent, generous, hardworking, popular and a brilliant judge of character.”

“We’ve lived together a long time, but I haven’t married the women I want to live with, I have married the women I can’t live without.”

“Jill, you are an amazing woman who deserves a wonderful husband. And I promise you I won’t rest until I get to the bottom of what’s gone wrong here.”

You can always stay away from the jokes and keep things personal and romantic. This is a time to really make your wife feel one-of-a-kind.

About Your New In-Laws

“My father-in-law told me it would be the happiest day of my life. He was right, the stag do was unforgettable.”

“I have been told that this is usually one of the only times in a married man’s life when he can be in the company of his wife and mother in-law and not be interrupted … I may be here sometime.”

“What’s the difference between in-laws and out-laws? Out-laws are wanted.”

“In Dave and Pippa, I have gained the perfect in-laws. I always cringe when I hear jokes about difficult mothers-in-law because my own experience has been so far from that stereotype. [pause, turn to in-laws timorously] Did I read that right? Please don’t hurt me…”

“What can I tell you about Paula? So fond am I of my mother-in-law, in fact, that I barely consider here to be my mother-in-law at all…”

“I haven’t spoken to my Mother-In-Law for eighteen months, I don’t like to interrupt her”

About The Best Man / Bachelor Party

Tell a couple of jokes about your relationship with the best man, or about what went on at the stag do – without getting too into the shenanigans of a drink-fuelled weekend. Take the mickey of your mates.

Or use some jokes at their expense:

“I’d like to say the bridesmaids look like one in a million today. The best man and grooms, on the other hand, look like they were won in a raffle.”

Incorporating Pictures, Videos, & Props

Jokes don’t have to be just about one-liners and gags. Use videos, audio clips or props to add a little humor to your speech. It will help get the guests involved and add to the funniness of the day. Audio jokes have been used speeches, props and images of the happy couple and even raps and songs have been used to perform the speech.

There are an awful lot of ways to make your speech memorable and personal to you and your new wife and if you’re still intrigued see more groom’s speech examples for inspiration.

Are you nervous? Afraid you might forget the words? Not sure if you can do it in front of all those people? Still, do not know what to write to be witty and funny? Check out our Total Guide to Wedding Speeches & Toasts.

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