Bartender pouring champagne for a wedding
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Your Guide to Funny (& Tasteful) Groom Speech Jokes

When it’s time to pick up the mic as a groom to give a toast, you don’t have to have the entire room in tears to make an everlasting memory. Instead of gushing praise or boring the crowd, it’s okay to throw in a joke or two.

Yes, it is the best man’s speech that traditionally follows that will be filled with jokes, humor, and some good old-fashioned banter. But the groom’s speech structure should also contain some jokes too.

Get the balance right, and you’ll have a stormer of a speech with a perfect blend of reflection and humor. And more importantly, don’t make them too crude or abusive towards the new mother-in-law. Rule that out straight away. You don’t want to get off to the worst possible start to married life, do you?

So, with all that in mind, what sort of jokes are suitable for a groom to include? Certainly, nothing that insults family, friends, or assembled guests. But a nice bit of mickey-taking, a few funny anecdotes, and some personal gentle ribbing do work well and ensure the groom’s speech goes down in history.

Groom in tan suit standing next to ivory wedding cake delivering speech.
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Components That Make A Great Groom’s Speech

Adding humor to your groom’s speech is a great way to make it memorable. However, it should still be built off of a solid speech structure. You could probably just get up and wing it, but doing that might get you in trouble.

Funny wedding jokes are a complement to a great speech, so look for opportunities to add in a story or joke. Here are key components that should be included in your groom’s speech.

  • Thank your new father-in-law; make a funny joke
  • Thank you bride’s family, for their warm welcome
  • Thank your family for their love and support; add a funny anecdote about your childhood.
  • Thank the bridesmaids, praise their beautiful appearance, and give a toast
  • Thank your best man; add a funny (clean) story.
  • Thank anybody else who helped during wedding planning
  • Thank your new wife for her love, support, and encouragement.
  • Talk about how excited you are about the future.
  • Give the microphone to your best man.

Awesome Jokes For Your Groom’s Speech

8 Opening Line Examples For Groom’s Toast

    1. “I’ve been told to keep it short and keep it clean, so I’ve had it dangled in a pint of icy water for the last 15 minutes.”
    2. “The last time I addressed a room full of people like this, I was in court.”
    3. “Let me tell you that is not the first time today I have risen from a warm seat with a bit of paper in my hand.”
    4. “I’d like to thank Mastercard and Visa, without whom this would never have been possible. My wife and I will be forever in their debt.”
    5. “Without all of you here today, it wouldn’t be the same…but it would be cheaper.”
    6. “My speech today will be like a mini skirt, long enough to cover the essentials and short enough to hold your attention.”
    7. “Good afternoon, Ladies and Gentlemen. I had prepared a superb speech for you today, but unfortunately, now that I am married … I’ve been told to read this one instead.”
    8. “Ladies and gentlemen, I had originally intended to just say a few words. But before dinner was served, my lovely wife took my speech, rewrote it, and left me with this version that’s more fitting for accepting an Oscar.”

7 Funny Quotes Groom Can Say About His Bride In The Groom Speech

    • “I’ve got a very funny speech prepared for you, but my wife has told me to read this one instead.”
    • “My ex-girlfriend and I would like to thank you all for coming today.”
    • “My Wife Says I Never Listen, Or Something Like That.”
    • “I’ve married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.”
    • “When it comes to talking about my bride’s good points, where do I start? She’s intelligent, generous, hardworking, popular, and a brilliant judge of character.”
    • “We’ve lived together a long time, but I haven’t married the women I want to live with; I have married the women I can’t live without.”
    • “Jill, you are an amazing woman who deserves a wonderful husband. And I promise you I won’t rest until I get to the bottom of what’s gone wrong here.”

Funny Quotes About Your New In-Laws For Groom Speech

    • “My father-in-law told me it would be the happiest day of my life. He was right; the stag party was unforgettable.”
    • “I have been told that this is usually one of the only times in a married man’s life when he can be in the company of his wife and mother-in-law and not be interrupted … I may be here some time.”
    • “What’s the difference between in-laws and out-laws? Outlaws are wanted.”
    • “In Dave and Pippa, I have gained the perfect in-laws. I always cringe when I hear jokes about difficult mothers-in-law because my own experience has been so far from that stereotype. [pause, turn to in-laws timorously] Did I read that right? Please don’t hurt me…”
    • “What can I tell you about Paula? So fond am I of my mother-in-law, in fact, that I barely consider here to be my mother-in-law at all…”
    • “I haven’t spoken to my Mother-In-Law for eighteen months; I don’t like to interrupt her.”

Add Some Humor About The Best Man / Bachelor Party In Groom Speech

Tell a couple of jokes about your relationship with the best man or about what went on at the stag party – without getting too into the shenanigans of a drink-fuelled weekend.

Or use some jokes at their expense:

“I’d like to say the bridesmaids look like one in a million today. The best man and grooms, on the other hand, look like they were won in a raffle.”

Get Creative With Your Groom Speech – Incorporate Pictures, Videos, & Props

Jokes don’t have to be just about one-liners and gags. Use videos, audio clips, or props to add a little humor to your speech. It will help get the guests involved and add to the funniness of the day. Audio jokes have been used in speeches, props, and images of the happy couple and even raps and songs have been used to perform the toast.

There are an awful lot of ways to make your speech memorable and personal to you and your new wife and if you’re still intrigued, see more groom’s speech examples for inspiration.

Are you nervous? Afraid you might forget the words? Not sure if you can do it in front of all those people? Still, do not know what to write to be witty and funny? Check out our Total Guide to Wedding Speeches & Toasts.