FYI, I’m actually asking this question coming from the viewpoint of the bride’s ONLY brother…

My mother recently let me know that my sister was planning on me being an usher in her October wedding. For the past few months, however, it was my understanding that I would be a groomsmen considering that I am the bride’s only sibling. My mother claimed months ago that she told my sister this and that it wouldn’t be an issue.

I know that the real problem comes down to communication between my sister and I directly, but I simply don’t talk to my sister very often as she lives 3 states away and we both stay busy. We certainly don’t talk about wedding-related topics very often, either.

However–I am offended that I am being asked to be an usher when she is including his sister as a bridesmaid (and his brother is his best man). My mother claims I wasn’t asked because he sees asking as a huge favor and didn’t want to make it into a big deal.

The groom and I have never been terribly close, but I have always seen the usher as a “lesser” role, meant for siblings in large families or cousins, etc. She has ONE sibling! I absolutely–positively–know that this day isn’t about me at all, but won’t my entire side of the family think it strange when I’m sitting in the audience?

I told my mother–and sister–that I did not want to be an usher; I’d rather sit in the audience. I’m trying not to be offended by all of this, but I’m not entirely sure that my sister even once communicated to me that I would be an usher or whatever. I don’t really see a solution to this, either, because any changes in my role at this point would not seem genuine.

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites, Inc

The groomsmen and usher are typically selected by the groom, so it wouldn’t be surprising or odd that you wouldn’t be included, especially since you’re not close with the groom.

If you have an issue with your sister, don’t bother your mother. She shouldn’t be involved. That’s kid stuff. Call your sister and have a frank discussion.

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

I completely agree. Those on the groom’s side should be those who are very close to him. So, I too do not find it odd.

It’s unfortunate you didn’t want to be an usher in your sister’s wedding. You might have become closer to your sister’s future husband if you had.