Combo shower and bachelorette party

I’m a friend of the maid of honor and she asked if I could help with the invitations for a shower/bachelorette party. Yes, this is a combination event. The bride posted a sign up sheet at work for the female co-workers for the bachelorette party saying nothing about a shower. This is a small wedding with two attendants; best man and maid of honor. A few details that I do know is the shower/bachelorette party will take place at a bowling alley and bowling will be one of the main activities along with card and board games for those that do not wish to bowl. Any suggestions would be appreciated for the wording of this combo affair.

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Dear Friend,

It really isn’t proper to combine these two events. I know many do it. But, it isn’t appropriate. The bridal shower is supposed to be a small, intimate affair hosted for those very close to the couple. The guests must also be invited to the wedding. This is also typically a gift giving event.

The bachelorette party is also an event where only those invited to the wedding may be invited. It is not a gift giving event. The guests pay for themselves and the bride.

So, to have one party where the hosts provide the party for the guests and it is a gift giving event combined with one where the guests pay, but give no gift, doesn’t work.

Plus, the bride shouldn’t be involved–at all. She shouldn’t have placed sign up sheets. And, all of these people would have to be invited to the wedding–every single one of them. They shouldn’t be expected to give her a gift if she is involved. Unfortunately, they will probably be embarrassed when they find out that this is also a shower.

As for the wording, there is no polite way to do this. So, this is something that will have to be created.

Best wishes,


Thank you for your efforts. I know this is not an easy one to deal with. I will do my best to create something and keep you posted.


Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Thank you so much, Windy.

Good luck!