My FMIL has given me a list of about 65 people which equals about another 28 invitations in addition to her guest list. She says that these are “courtesy invitations” and according to her she knows that none of these people will attend as they are all out of state. I have never heard of this before. We are on a strict guest list as the venues we have chosen can only hold 100 people each and we are already at our limit. I don’t want to send out these invitations because I feel as if it will be seen as nothing more than a gift grab. Not to mention that if any of these people RSVP yes we won’t have room for them. What do I do ? I am sure she will start asking people if they received their invitations as soon as they are sent out.I don’t want to hurt her feelings but I am not going to look like a gimme pig either.
Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites
I appreciate your focus and agree that it isn’t appropriate to send invitations to anyone you really don’t want at your wedding. Hopefully, your groom’s mom thinks she is doing something nice by sending invitations so as not to hurt their feelings. But, as you know, they could say yes! Plus, receiving a wedding invitation does obligate the recipient to send a gift (unless they haven’t seen or heard from you in years). So it woud be best not to send those invitations. Let your groom explain this to his mom.
Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca
Love your focus! Very polite.
I completely agree with this perfect advice. Allow your fiance to speak to his mother.
Joyce C Smith, MBC
Unless the list contains immediate family, reserve the list to “wedding announcements” that are sent following the wedding. No gift obligations with these.
Dana Y.Briggs, Premier Wedding Consultant, Elegantly Yours Events
Because you guys are already at the guest list maximum, it is very appropriate to send a wedding announcement after you’re all settled in from your honeymoon. There are no gift expectations with that. Maybe include a wedding picture for them to have as a keepsake would be thoughtful.
Darlene Taylor, PBC
What more can I add that hasn’t already been said by these fabulous experts?
I agree with sending out wedding announcements. Perfectly appropriate in your situation. And I also second the suggestion of having your groom talk it out with his mother.