Received Save-the-Date but no invitation

My friend sent me a save-the-date card back in November for her wedding scheduled on March 21. I recenttly returned after being away on vacation for a couple of weeks and expected the invite to come in the mail while I was away. To date I have not received an invitation. I know that wedding planning can be time consuming (also per her Facebook updates) and assume that she probably cannot follow up with those who have not RSVP’d. At the moment I’m assuming that it was sent but never made it to my mailbox. But if she needed to reduce the guest list, I think, for me, that it is no big deal and that I completely understand with no hard feelings (really); she’s a very nice person and I value her friendship. How should I approach the subject while honestly conveying that if I was cut from the guest list she need not worry?

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Dear Southender,

This should be handled very carefully so you don’t put her in an awkward position. You could either speak to someone close to her to try to find out if you were invited, or you could contact her and ask her how the wedding planning is going. She should have invited everyone who received save the dates. You should have received yours already.

Best wishes,


Dear Rebecca,

Thank you very much for that advice. I contacted a mutual friend who was certain that I was invited and she told me to email the bride. The bride told me that due to a computer glitch, some names on the save the date list were lost when it was merged with the rest of the list and that she thought that she had recovered all of them. She apologized profusely (and stated that she “need[ed] to be reported to the wedding etiquette police and flayed with tulle”), was so glad that I emailed her and told me that, of course I was invited (along with a guest) and gave me the details (unfortunately my boyfriend made conflicting plans earlier the same day). After this , I think it is well worth it to inquire after receiving a save-the-date if you haven’t received a invitation. Doing nothing could result in more hurt or embarrassment than making a kind inquiry.

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

In your case it worked out well. But, in most cases it really isn’t polite to ask if you are invited. This could be very embarrassing to the host and awkward for both of you. It would have been better to ask your mutual friend to inquire (delicately). But, I am glad it worked out well in your case.