We were just invited to a wedding where the reply cards stated that we should bring a dish to the wedding, and to note it on the card and if we dont they will call and tell us what to bring. This seemed a little tacky to me. First of all, they have plenty of money and I know this because they shared their salary with all of us and also own two homes and plenty of toys.

Why do you think they would do this? Also, they would like cash presents. How much would you give? I feel this is kind of inappropriate given we are feeding all their guests. Shouldnt they pay for anything? I feel that it should be one or the other not both and truly the whole thing is tacky in my mind, but maybe I am the one being the jerk…your thoughts?

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Dear Potluck,

This isn’t a joke; is it? Really?? This is incredibly tacky. It reminds me of an article I recently read about couples expecting their wedding guest to pay for parts of their event as gifts. Incredible.

My thoughts??? All of this just makes me want to run and scream “no”! It isn’t right, or nice, or even in the ball park of being polite.

They shouldn’t ask their guests to host their event and they shouldn’t expect or ask for cash. Geez.

How much to give? If it were me, I’d give nothing. There is no cash gift that would be appropriate. Some would consider the gift generous, while some would consider it lacking. In the case of these people, and I’m judging here (sorry), the amount probably wouldn’t be enough.

potluck wedding reception

This is a prime example of why I don’t believe that an invitation to a wedding obligates people to give a gift.

Good luck on this one. Please let us know what you decided.

Sorry about the rant

I too have been invited to a wedding that is BYOB and Potluck. I thought an appropriate gift would be a gift certificate to a nice place for dinner BUT was told cash would be better. I don’t take well to being told what to do as far as gift giving (especially from those in the wedding) and I agree that no cash amount would be truly appreciated at the end of the day.

Also my daughters were asked to be in the wedding and they accepted and thought it would be nice. There are six girls standing up in the wedding and when it came to dress hunting they (the bride and three attendants Not my daughters because they were unable to attend that day) decided on a sundress from Winners that only came in larger sizes. When I went to look at the dresses with my daughters we were in shock that they bought the dresses. The only sizes left were sizes 12 and up. My daughters are all sizes 3 and under in ladies. No amount of altering would make the dress fit right. My daughter called and said it might be best if they were not in the wedding and were told to just pick out whatever the three of them wanted as long as they matched close to the dresses they had. How am I suppose to find dresses that match yellow with pink orange and red flowers? Needless to say I ended up purchaseing a more appropriate dress (in my mind anyways) that went with the theme of the wedding and lucky for me I didn’t end up spending a fortune on a dress that had to be remade due to being too big. I feel this wedding (which is tomorrow) is going to be something I’ve never seen before.

I’ve prepared my dish to bring to the wedding (which feels more to me like a family reunion…lol) and we will all attend with a smile. We are going to make the best of it But I do agree that it is very tacky to have other host your wedding.


Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. We try to give our opinion and also an insight into what their guests may think if they follow through with something like this. But, many do not see or want to believe it.

It is wonderful to hear it from someone who is a guest.