Being funny in your Best man speech may be a bit tricky. Here you have a great example of how to do it like a pro. get inspired and enjoy it.
– Before I start, I’ve only recently found out that there’s a sweepstake for my speech today so make yourself comfortable I’ve gone for an hour and 60 minute or an hour and 59 minutes. Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to my best man’s day today. I must say it was particularly nice of James and Louis to dress up so nicely for it. I’m joking of course but I must admit I do feel slightly on trial today because James has told me that if I do a good job here then I can be best man in his next wedding as well.
Been researching for this speech so I have the public speaking, it’s much like I’m new to speech. The first few minutes are always the hardest so let’s crack on with it. Thank you very much James, I’ll be off with the bridesmaids for you calm words and gifts. They have done a wonderful job today and they are only rightly outshone by a gorgeous bride, Louis. And gentlemen I’m sure you’ll agree with me that today is a sad day for single men as another beauty leaves the available list.
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Ladies, I’m sure you all agree with me that today’s passed by without much of a ripple. I first met James around 17 years ago, and we were about 17 or 18. He was new in the area and he turned up for preseason training with my local football team. I remember seeing him turn up on vest but morbid and this thought just crushed on me, “Who’s this moppet?”
Little did I know that 17 years on, he’ll be dressed like one. You’ll make your own jokes, I’ll get to that story in a little while. James became our first choice goalkeeper although he was rubbish to be honest. We had a beer together after football training and our lifelong very close friendship began from there. That brings me on one of many couple of stories that I can tell you about today to be honest because they’re many regarding me and James, but most of them incriminate me as well.
About ten years ago, James and I after a Saturday night out arrived back at James’ house in Elmo Estate on a cold winter Sunday morning. To say we were blind drunk is an understatement because after 20 minutes of James trying to unlock his front door, he realized and thought that he’d picked up the wrong set of door keys and we were locked out. We went at the back of the house and we could that he’d left the very top window open. After about 25 failed attempts of just climbing onto a dustbin, we decided we better give up a futile break-in attempt before one of us had an accident.
So, in the end James decided before we froze to death that he should break the window on his front door to get in, which is exactly what he duly did, waking up the neighbors in the process. The irony of this story is that James reached in through the broken window and still couldn’t open the door because it had been double locked from the outside, double locked by James of course six hours earlier with those very keys in his pocket, then that certainly works. We didn’t have any Sambuca after that for a long, long time.
James has specifically asked me today to refrain from mentioning any past girlfriends. Sadly, that’s cut the speech short by a good three seconds. But he’s the man of the day and I respect his wishes. James and Louis first met as they crossed paths on the stairs where they both lived in the same block of flats. Louis tells me that the first time she saw James she thought she was handsome from afar. Now, she thinks he’s far from handsome. First time James introduced me to Louis, I remember thinking out friendly, bubbly, I need you to talk to who she was. I always hoped that they would go the distance.
It was particularly nice of Louis that night to accompany James in the ambulance with me and stay in the hospital for three hours, “Alfred dislocated my elbow.” However, that is a totally different story. From then on, I would always tell James that she was a good one and as people like to say, a definite keeper unlike James of course definitely not a goal keeper. Louis and my wife Clair have now become very good friends which make it more pleasurable when we all get together.
James and Louis have recently purchased a house together in Southampton where we’ve had some lovely barbecues and evenings recently. I think the house needs a bit of the hour-work though because James shows me that after today, he and Louis are going to be banging and screwing at every opportunity.
Now, apologies in your phones, I’m telling you the next story of after you just taken dinner. We had a room with James about six months ago on another one of our friend’s stag weekends in Southampton. I had left James at around 4 AM mushing and throwing shapes on a nightclub down floor and had gone back to sleep. So, I was glad when I woke to see James safely back and snoring unbelievably loudly in the next bed in the morning. Louis, can I please borrow some of your heavy GTA plugs the next time I go out and place things?
I shouted out to James to wake up as we’d use to go go-karting. Startled, James woke up, rolled over, fell out of the bed knocked his head on the side cabinet and was unable to lift himself back up. I sat up in bed laughing so hard but it hurt, I soon stopped laughing when I realized the extent of the mess he’d been in the night before because I could see SIC and I knew that I hadn’t caused it. As I reached my way to the end of my bed, I was shocked to see that James had basically thrown up on my bed and in three pairs of my shoes when he’d got back from the club.
He had managed not deliberately, fussily promises me get SIC in every single shoe, some of which were pretty much up to the brim. I forgave him immediately though. I supposed that’s what good friends are for.
It’s good therapy for me. I was told to share that. None of you will know this but I’ve actually congratulated James already. “James”, I said to him, “Well done. You’ll always look up on this weekend as the happiest and the best thing you’ve ever done.” Fitting words I thought, at the end of a fantastic stag weekend in Edinburgh. It was about six weeks ago and my memories are a little hazy of the weekend, but a big thank you to all of the guys that attended. As far as the stag weekend went, Louis I can assure you that James conscience is clean. Well, it should be clean because he never used it.
Of course, what goes on tour stays on tour but I can’t say that we just been playing pigeon shooting with stinking hangovers. Rude of me not to mention Ayo here, Ayo how’re you doing? Good to see you? I’ve mentioned Ayo because he was the only one of us to hit zero out of 12 plays in morning sessions. And here’s now of CPPS, aren’t you Ayo? The Clay Pigeon Preservation Society.
Now, James has put the money be on the bar tonight for a round of Vagabonds for the stag party which I will organize later on tonight. Although, I don’t remember drinking any; honestly I have been drinking. We bought James a well-known sesame strip star costume they had to wear on a Friday night which went down very well with the various locals. Unfortunately, most of you did not have the delight of seeing James dressed up in the flesh. But fear not because those that missed it is only right that I brought a stargazed to a party, big day today, I give you James Ward aka Elmo everybody. He’s a little bit shy I figure Louis is going to get it.
Oh God, a drink, sorry. I’m worn out. Now I wanted to share with James and Elmo of course six bits of wisdom that I found on the Internet. Number one, never go to bed on an argument, always stay up and argue. Number two, the best way to remember your anniversary is to forget it once. Number three, always remember these three little words: you’re right here. Number four, in times of trouble remember these helpful words from Oscar Wilde, “Women are meant to be loved not understood. And you’ll like this; number five… all you couples here today please turn and face each other and stare deeply into each other’s eyes. Now statistically you’re staring at a person who’s most likely to murder you.
Number six and most importantly, always get on with your mother-in-law. I always spoke to my mother-in-law for 18 months not because I don’t like her I just don’t like to be Dratta. I was also going to mention here that an anagram of mother-in-law is woman Hitler but I won’t. Now a quick message for Jenner the harpist, an amazing singer, she made me cry today, happy tears. Wasn’t she just unbelievably fantastic?
Quick message from the photographer as well, Andrew, from that cool burst day onwards, there’s going to be a photo booth at the end of the wedding meal. So, please as many people as possible, go and have their photo taken. Let me say how lucky you’re James, you will leave here today having gained a wife that is warm, loving and caring, a wife who is funny and who radiates beauty wherever she goes. And Louis how lucky you are that you leave today having gained a gorgeous dress and a lovely bouquet of flowers.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who is here sharing in James’ and Louis’ special day. And I also have a few messages to read from people who could not be here but wanted to pass on their best wishes.
We’re sorry we could make your special day but felt too emotional losing a special guy such as yourself. We’ll see you again soon.”
From all the girls of the fantasy palace.
Are you nervous? Afraid you might forget the words? Not sure if you can do it in front of all those people? Still do not know what to write to be witty and funny? Check out our Total Guide to Wedding Speeches & Toasts.
No, seriously sorry.
“Dear Louis and James,
Congratulations on becoming Mr. and Mrs. How I wish we were there to celebrate your big day. No doubt it’s all gone fabulous and all your guests are having a bowl. Rest assured, we will ever be able to attend in celebration for you both even though we may be approximately 8,998 miles away. On our behalf, we’d like you to raise your glass in a toast to the newlyweds. May love be in every step you take, in every word you speak and in every choice you make in your life together.” To Mr. and Mrs. Ward.
Lots of love Theodore, Peter, Cara and Aishling from Perth, Western Australia.
I also have a message from your cats Bilansuki, the message read, “Meow, meow, uh-uh, meow, meow.”
“Louis and James, I wish you both so much happiness for all your lives. Really wish I was there to spend this day with you but you will be in my thoughts all day. “
Lots of love, Miriam.
Now, I ask Louis’ mum Margaret earlier on how it felt to see her daughter get married. And she said — excuse my Irish accent, don’t beat me up –“It only seems like yesterday that she was going to bed with her dummy.” It’s funny how history repeats itself, isn’t it? Now in all seriousness, I wish you both nothing but the best for your future. You’re a fantastic, unique, and perfectly-matched couple and I hope all your dreams come through and that you lead a healthy long and happy life together.
Clair and I look forward to being a part of your lives and having you both as part of our lives for many years to come. James, sorry I’ve murdered you on this speech today, you know how much I love you. Thank you so much for the proud honor of being your best man today. And on behalf of the entire wedding party, I would like to thank you both for sharing this wonderful occasion with us. Also, a special thanks to all the parents, without you this could never have happened. Now, it gives me immense pleasure to invite you to stand and raise a toast.
To James and Louis, the new couple, Mr. and Mrs. Ward everybody.
Why It Matters to Have Some Good Best Man Speech Examples
Making this speech is a way to show the groom just how much you mean to them. Plus, it is a great way to personalize the big day. So you want to be sure that it is special.
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